Actually ... "It takes a village..."

Zachys new thing at the moment is the word "actually". The other day he did something deserving of 'time out' and so I sent him into the hallway and as he got to the door he turned around, looked at me, and said ever so calmly "Actually, I don't want to go". No tanty ... just a calm objection to the consequence of his own behaviour (trust me, it's not always like this)! I had to bite my lip so i wouldn't lose it laughing. Since when has he known the word "actually"? He sounds so grown up when he uses it, it just doesn't seem right coming out of such a little person so matter-of-factly! Someone called him monkey the other day, and he quickly responded "Actually, my name is Zachary Millar!"

Actually, you are Zachary William flipping cute, gorgeous, bright, intelligent, loving, kind wee boy Millar! (Who says Mums are biased?)

Actually, one of the key thoughts that have impacted our parenting is the proverb "It takes a village to raise a child". I'd never really thought much about it until after we had Zac. I mentioned in my last blog about how I was studying when he was born, I had 8 weeks off, and then went back too it. The thought of putting Zac into Day care broke my heart. I couldn't bring myself to do it, he was so little and so vulnerable, and he'd been given to us to care for, so for me personally I just couldn't do it ... so Zachy joined our class as I trained to be an officer in The Salvation Army. (I will be forever grateful to the family orientated leaders and staff who supported us and enabled this to happen).

I think its fair to say not everyone in the class was on board with the idea to start with, however as the year went on Zac just became a part of the class and everyone began to take a role in caring for him. In our first days in class if i struggled to settle him, staff members would be more than happy to take him for a wee walk and cuddle while I sat in class. My Class mates would take their turns helping me out by feeding him (with the bottle, just to clear that up), cuddling him or changing the odd pooey nappy! Their help, their support, their investment into Zacs life kept me sane, so i could be the best mummy to him! I could not have studied and cared for him in that environment all by myself, Everyone became involved in Zacs growth and development.

It was around this time that I really began to understand the saying "It takes a village to raise a child". Zachy was cared for by us as his parents, but he had a village raising him, caring for him, influencing him ... our family extended to those doing the journey with us at BCM and those in our church family.

Of course this includes our own extended families, but because we live so far from them all :( the input of this wider family counted all the more!

 We set the boundaries, and we set the rules, and those around us helped us to enforce them. They helped to take the pressure off us, they supported and encouraged us ... I am so grateful for community. Once I had finished at BCM and we were appointed to our first corps in Upper Hutt (we are still there), I was up the front most weeks. Whenever I was up the front I entrusted the care of my child to someone else. (I picked who they were, and if they failed to enforce our boundaries and the rules we put in place, we didn't ask them to look after Zac again).

For example during church, once Zac started crawling the rule was that he could play on the floor, but he had to stay in a specific area. We got a mat and during church the mat was his boundary ... he wasn't allowed off it. I spent the first month of crawling Sundays down the back of church teaching him this new rule. He would crawl off, I would pick him up, put him back on the mat and tell him, "no moving off the mat during church" or "Stay on the mat". After a month, once i kicked back into 'up the front action' I simply told those looking after him on a Sunday morning he wasn't allowed off the mat and they enforced it. He tried to push the boundaries, but by having the same rules enforced by people who loved and cared for him, it solidified what I had already taught him. I think when we have others around who back us up and support what we have put in place it really helps to consolidate the importance of what we are teaching them.

So as a parent, I appreciate the influence others have on Zachy and Evy. I not only appreciate it, I welcome it ... there are just some things I can't offer and teach my kids, but others can. Brenton and I look to the support and encouragement of others to help us raise our children. We can't do it on our own!

I also realise the impact and influence I have in the lives of all the children around me, whether they be mine or not. Every child deserves love, care, affection, but not every child receives that. For me, every child who I have a relationship with, is in my village. My example to them of Jesus, the way I treat them and the love I show them will influence them in years to come. I've heard it said that every child needs 6-8 adults (other than their own parents) to take interest in them for them to grow into well-rounded stable adults. I look back on my own childhood and think of the many adults that influenced me positively. People i will be forever grateful for.

I also recognise the support I can give to other parents, last Sunday in church our kids shared about their experience at Supernova Kids camp. One single mum stood up and challenged the corps family by pleading with them ...  "Please take an interest in our kids, they need you, they need your support ... some of these are my kids, and I'm a single mum, I can't do this on my own, please take an interest".

In saying all of this ... actually ... all I'm saying is "It takes a village to raise a child".

Who are the children in your village needing your influence?
Who are the adults in your village who can influence your children?

Itsy Bitsy thoughts from SamMe