I wrote a book this week ...

Well, I can tick "Write a book" off my bucket list. Haha, not really! 

One of the things that was really emphasised when Brenton and I did training through Child, Youth and Family while preparing to adopt Evy was the importance of creating a life book.

A life book is a book written for an adopted child with the intention of sharing the child's story with them. It is a honest look at their life from the beginning. Generally it starts with their birth, talks about their birth parents, tells them they are adopted and how that came about. I've read that adopted children can imagine all sorts of ideas about their birth parents from a young age, (for example; their parents died in a car accident, their real mum is a princess in a far away kingdom, their real Dad is coming back one day to look after them) so keeping it open, honest and real with a life book helps the child to understand the reality of their situation.

Because Evy's is an open adoption, she will grow up knowing that she is adopted and she will know and be involved with her birth family. To help her understand her story we wrote a life book for her. We didn't call it a life book as such, instead we've simply said "This is a story all about Evy."



It just arrived a couple of days ago and we plan on giving it to her for her second birthday present. We didn't start with Evy's birth like is often suggested but wanted to start with who she is and what she likes. We move into the deeper stuff a little bit more into the book. It's not too deep but will definately get some conversations happening when she's a bit older.

The biggest thing that we want Evy to know is that she is planned, loved and wanted. We don't ever want her believing she was a mistake, unwanted, abondoned or rejected because nothing could be further from the truth. This is a major emphasis in her story. She was planned by God, to be a part of our family. She is loved by us, and she is loved by her 'tummy mummy'.

I can't wait to read it to her for the first time. I'm sure it will be one of those books we read time and time again, and something that she will treasure for life.

Writing the life book was also a really therapeutic exercise for me. As I wrote her story and thought about how we'd tell her about her adoption, I battled with thoughts reminding me she's not biologically mine. What I came to realise through the book is that she is my daughter in every other way now, and that's what really counts. The process was challenging, satisfying, time consuming but so far really rewarding.

Just some more itsy bitsy thoughts from SamMe :)

Meet Evy's Birth Mum

Brenton and I have been blessed with an incredible, beautiful daughter through an open adoption. It’s approaching one year since Rebecca, Evy's birth mum asked us if we would consider adopting. Rebecca is a brave, sacrificial, loving young woman who adores Evy. This is her story:

My name is Rebecca and I am writing this piece in Sammy’s blog to share my story of how I came to the decision to place my beautiful daughter Evelynn for adoption with Sammy and Brenton.

I was raised in a Christian household and my parents, like Sammy and Brenton, are Salvation Army Officers. In my teenage years I went through some major struggles and ended up pregnant at 15 with my first daughter. When I was 18 I found out I was pregnant with Evy. I was honestly panicked. I was already a solo mum to a wonderful little girl and, having a second baby, I knew would put a strain on me and her emotionally and financially.

I seriously considered abortion, even though I don’t believe in it, but since I was going to be doing it alone again it seemed like my only option. It wasn’t a good time in my life at all but then I started looking into adoption and what it all meant. I started the process and had looked into birth parents, but then at 20 weeks I decided that I couldn't do it and that I wanted my baby.

Our family was then moved down to Wellington for my parents' work and I decided to start over. That’s when I met Sammy and Brenton; they were officers at the church we started going to. They were wonderful, kind and loving people. Sammy especially helped me during my pregnancy, was at my baby shower, and we grew a close friendship.



On Tuesday 31^st May 2011 at 8:20am, weighing 8lb 6oz, I gave birth to my amazing beautiful little girl, Evelynn Jade. She was perfect and I loved her to pieces.



Evy with her birth mum, Rebecca



Life was great for the next 8 months, until I started seeing someone. He was very manipulative, controlling and made me feel very low about myself. I also believe I experienced some form of postnatal depression (as I had previously had it with my oldest daughter.) Something in me changed and my whole life started to spin out of control. So I decided that the best thing to do was to make the best life I could for my children.

I approached Sammy in the final week of January 2012 and asked her if they would consider adopting Evelynn. I had no idea that they had already started the process of adoption and I truly believe God had this perfectly planned out and protected everyone involved.

On March 16^th 2012 I signed my legal rights away as Evelynn’s mum and the legal process began. It was a long, drawn out and emotional process that took its toll on me physically, emotionally and mentally. It hurt more than anything I had ever been through but I know that it was the best decision I will ever make! Evelynn is with a safe, loving and incredible family. She will have the amazing Christian upbringing that I always wanted her to have, just like the one I had.

I still see Evelynn most weeks and get to babysit her. She still knows me really well, she calls my parents grandma and granddad and she still has an amazing bond with my other daughter. She has gained a whole new family while still keeping her original one and I am so blessed for Sammy and Brenton doing this amazing thing for me. We are now all like one big family and the bond and relationships built through this I believe will never fade or falter because God is in the center of it all!

Rebecca xx

Thinking Adoption

When I was a child I loved to play with dolls and play "babies". And when there wasn't a doll, I had imaginary babies. A friend and I use to pretend we had 8 children each … I always had a couple of sets of twins in my lot. As I grew up, my desire was to get married and have lots of babies. By the time I was a teenager I’d started spending weekends with a family from church who had 4 kids under 5. I was in my element, giving bottles, changing nappies … not really how most teenagers spend their weekends. I loved it, I felt like I was born for it. Anyone who knew me as a teenager, knows I used to talk about having my very own 7's rugby team.

If only it was as simple as getting married and having babies. 2 ½ years after our first child (Zac) was born, and a after a difficult journey with surgery, doctors, medications and the like we were given the diagnosis of "unexplained secondary infertility",Gutted!

It was heartbreaking.

It felt like the journey of a lifetime that would never end.

In the midst of the heartbreak and tears God began to speak to us about adoption. Looking back now, I see his hand in it all. Hindsight really is a wonderful thing.

I was in Palmy with Family, about halfway through last year, when someone who I admire and respect as a friend and parent asked me "Have you considered heading down the track of adoption?" In that one comment, something resonated in my spirit and I couldn't let it go. It was a thought that hounded me, so I prayed, "God, if this is your plan, you have to be the one to tell Brenton". It seems that God didn't think Brenton was the one who needed convincing. From that point on a series of events occurred pointing towards adoption.

Family members kept raising the idea of adoption, we’d get out DVDs – they’d have adoption themes running through them. Steve Dunne from the Jeremiah trust was guest speaker at youth councils. I wasn’t even there, but the youth came home raving about it and by some strange series of events I ended up on a phone conversation with him where he challenged me about adoption. I went to a women's conference where one of the key speakers spoke on Isaiah 54 (pretty sure that passage of scripture is compulsory for any women's conference, in my limited experience, it seems to make an appearance at least once!). She weaved the theme of adoption through her message and by the end of it my stomach was in knots, my heart was beating a million beats a second and the tears were flowing like a torrential downpour … God was speaking … again! It was like everywhere I turned there was a giant billboard with “ADOPT” written on it, plain as day!

Come November adoption was a frequent topic of conversation between Brenton and I. Brenton had a whole lot of questions and so we decided to attend an information evening through Child Youth and Family early December. At the end of the evening we both came away thinking this is something we could possibly do. We took the application papers away with us and decided to commit it to prayer over our summer holiday.

One of the key things that struck us at the adoption information evening was that last year in New Zealand there were around 50 adoptions (side note: There were 15,863 abortions in NZ in 2011). There are a few hundred people in the pool to adopt. So the chances of adopting in New Zealand are pretty minimal! With that in mind, by the end of our holiday, we thought “Why not? The chances of us actually adopting are next to none. Let’s send in our papers and see what happens. We will trust God with the outcome.”

So at the end of January this year, we posted our application papers with only close family knowing. Within a week of sending it off, we were approached by Evy's Birth Mum who asked us “Would you consider adopting Evy?” This is a young woman we know, who had no idea of the track we were heading down. Here begun our journey of adopting our precious, God-given daughter.

Our beautiful daughter on our first family outing

 I have no doubt of the hand of God in this situation. God is faithful and true.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13