Rules are made to be broken ... right?

"Rules are made to be broken!" Those are the words that I heard my mother told my son at a birthday party we were at a couple of months ago. (Sigh). I'm pretty sure if anyone had said the same thing to me when I was Zacs age, she wouldn't have been  to thrilled about it ... but somewhere in the transition of parent to grandparent, she's softened ... a LOT! I think in context we had told Zac no more chippies before lunch, or no more lollies or you will feel sick, and she couldn't resist his cute little pleading face and gave him whatever it was he was asking for. The thing is, there was a reason we set the rule we set. To protect Zac from a sore tummy later, to protect ourselves from a 3 year old bouncing off the walls, to make sure Zac had enough room for some healthy nourishing food a bit later, it wasn't just to deny him the right to something he enjoyed. Thankfully there were other friends around who knew the rules and then moved the lollies or chips so Zac wouldn't ask his Nana again : )

We have rules in our family because we want to teach/guide/lead our children to become thoughtful, caring, loving, law abiding adults. Rules like "No hitting" and "Speaking to each other with kind words" and there are consequences if we break the rules (we use time out for these kind of things, 1 minute per year of life). It's time for them to sit by themselves and just reflect on their behaviour, it's worked well so far.

We also want to teach our children about self discipline, so we have intentionally not moved some things up higher that we don't want them touching ... like the CD's. Instead we have taught them (with a LOT of patience, and sometimes not so much patience) that they aren't to touch and play with the CD's. In the big scheme of things, it's not a huge deal if they do, but it's a way we can teach them obedience, respect, consequences and self discipline.

Also just basic rules to keep the kids safe ... "No running out onto the road, you must hold mummy or daddy's hand when crossing" or "Sitting on your bottom while you have food in your mouth" ya know, that kind of thing.

We've actually just started trialling letting Zac pick his own consequences for his actions ... seeing how this works out. He hit Evy the other day, so I said to him "Zac, we don't hit in our family ... what do you think should happen now because you broke the rule?" Eventually he came to the decision he would sit in the hallway in time out, he wasn't to happy about it, but realised there had to be a consequence for hitting his sister.

Some of the consequences we've used are time out, confiscating toys, banning a certain TV programme (the wiggles or bananas in pyjamas), depending on the rule that was broken. We hold them accountable to the rules, and they certainly hold us accountable to the same rules. We don't want to be "do as I say, not as i do" parents, and I've been challenged a few times when Zac has pulled me up. Sometimes Brenton and I will throw the remote to each other across the room and Zac will pipe up "Hey ... no throwing inside". Often our response will be something like "You're right Zachy, Sorry"

I'm a believer in consistency too. The same rules apply to all of us. There are the same consequences to the same rules broken. I can't not enforce the boundaries on days where i'm tired and can't be bothered because this just creates confusion. Consistency

In society there are rules I need to abide by, if I don't there are consequences ... if I get caught going over the speed limit, I have to pay a fine, If I abused my children, I would have them removed from my care, If I stole from a neighbour I may face jail time. I want to teach my children that life is about making choices ... many of these choices are around abiding by, or breaking rules and when we break rules there are consequences. I'd much rather they learn this tough life lesson from me in  an environment where they are loved and cared for, then the hard way later down the track.

On the flip side, there are some rules in society that suck, and times where I think authority needs to be challenged. With this in mind, as the kids get older, I'll endeavour to teach them balance, how to distinguish between the rules that are right, and those that fly in the face of basic human rights.

Basically, I value boundaries and think our children have thrived so far with the rules and boundaries we have put in place, I love my kids and want them to learn how to function well in society as caring, kind, stable adults, we think rules and boundaries will help them grow into these kinds of people... so far so good!

I think it's important to note that sometimes the consequences seem unfair, and we need to acknowledge that. Zac may cry because of the consequence and I need to recognise and acknowledge how he feels about the scenario. Rules are important, so are the consequences BUT so are his feelings and emotions! Often I will say something like "Zachy, I know you don't want to sit in time out, and i know it's stink ... but the reason you are here is because ..."

Anyway, some more itsy bitsy thoughts.

What rules and boundaries do you have in your family?
Do you think we should have boundaries for our kids ... should we enforce them with consequences or just let children learn for themselves?
How important do you think consistency is?
Let me know what you think in the comments section below!

Routine, Routine, Routine

One of the most helpful things we have found in our parenting is Routine! From about 6 weeks old we started to establish a routine for Zac, and it made life so much easier! (I think the first 6 weeks with child number one is just hard anyway, regardless of parenting style, lack of sleep, the unknown, getting to know each other... it's a time of discovery) Anyway, we started establishing Zac in routine when he was 6 weeks old (once i felt like i had Breast feeding well established) the day started at 7am (or there abouts, no earlier) and he'd be fed 3 hourly which became 4 hourly when he was a bit bigger.

If he woke for a feed before 7, that would be fine, but it would be the night-time routine which was simply "Up, feed, change, feed - back to bed (we wouldn't make eye contact, talk or turn on the lights, i would simply hold and nurse him).

His day time up time routine was simple too, feed, play, and sleep again. Those first few days of establishing him in his routine were quite difficult and we spent a lot of time watching the clock and letting him cry ... but it only took 3 days and he'd adjusted to the routine we'd set, and seemed happier and settled for it.

Because I was studying at college and Brenton was working full time, Zacs routine was essential to my survival. I worked Zacs sleeps and feeds around my class schedule and he was able to come to class with me from 8 weeks old until i finished when he was 7 months. He would sleep in class most of the time when i wanted him too ... and it all just worked really well! It bacame the norm, he knew what to expect but we weren't so rigid that we didn't allow flexibility and he just became a really adaptable, easy going child. Even now when he is 3 he has a routine and he knows it!
7amish - up, breaky and play time (Educare on mondays and tues and thurs mornings)
12ish lunch
1ish - sleep
3-3.30ish up to play
5ish- bath
5.30ish tea
6.30ish when Evys in bed we play board games or read stories
7pmish - bed for the night.

I can count the number of times he has resisted his afternoon sleep on one hand, and again he's a flexible, easygoing, fun loving kid!

When Evy joined our family permanently on the 9th of May 2012 we continued to establish her in the routine we had instigated while she was in a temporary situation. It looked something like this:
7ish - up, breakfast, bottle, playtime
9.30 - sleep
11ish -up, play, lunch, play
1sh- sleep
2.30ish - up to play :)
5ish- bath
5.30ish tea
6ish bottle
6.30ish bed

(I say 1ish because usually it's within 15 mins of either side of the time.)

We've just in the last couple of weeks dropped Evys morning sleep and brought her afternoon one earlier, so she's down to 1 sleep a day and adjusting really well... we had a few pretty unsettled days, but she's come right now.

 Initially she struggled to sleep through the night ... understandable given all the change she had been through ... but it wasn't long and she was sleeping through, and instead of waking at 5am ... we persevered with the 'no one gets up before 7' rule and she now sleeps through till 7. When she's teething or unwell we have days where the routine goes totally out the window, and sleeping through the night is impossible but that's ok, that's just part and parcel with it and it's something I've come to expect ... some days we just have off days (and nights).

Brenton and I got back yesterday from 3 days away by ourselves ... we were able to write out the kids routines and the kids were as good as gold for the baby sitter. Even though we weren't there, the routine was the same and the babysitter had no problems whats-so-ever (other than having to put Zac in time out twice for pinching and pushing his sister). In fact i was a bit nervous they may play up for her and that Evy might not be so settled in the night ... but each morning they woke up at about 6.55am and her comment to me was "You've trained them well!"

I believe children thrive in routine (just from observation and what i have experienced work with our kids). One new mum recently told me that she didn't even try to put her daughter in a routine, but her baby naturally did it herself ... I think within 6 weeks and soon enough bubs was sleeping 8 hours in the night ... amazing, it's like it's a part of our inbuilt nature.

So anyway, those are some itsy bitsy thoughts on parenting.

P.S: I am not saying this is the one and only way to parent, this is what we've found helpful in our parenting journey so far ... just say'n!