Jumping in Puddles, Poohs, Wees, Toilet Paper, and Bibs

 

There's something to be said about the simplicity and joy in the life of a toddler. My kids have reminded me and taught me that time and time again.

Our kiddlywinks jumping in puddles during our recent holiday in Taupo

I remember taking Zac to the park last year sometime ... he was probably 2 at the time. As soon as he got out of the car, he bee-lined for the nearest puddle ... I ran and grabbed him just before he got there! I swooped him up, and said "No Zachy, you'll get all wet if you jump in the puddle." We ventured to the park and played on the swings, slides ... well actually I watched him play. As I sat there I thought about how quick I was to pull him out of the puddle, and I began to question why I'd done it. What's wrong with jumping in puddles, who cares if we get wet, we can always go home and change later. He was absolutely loving climbing and sliding, he was giggling away and I just thought ... JOY! He is full of Joy. That's what his life consists of, and sometimes I get so busy, and am in a constant rush, I don't stop to jump in the puddles. At that moment, I called Zac over and we made our way back to that first delightful puddle that enticed him when we first arrived. And we jumped in it! It was fun. We got wet. We laughed. We splashed each other. We got muddy. It was exciting. It was delightful. It was joyful.



Then I looked across the park and saw a field full of trees and fallen autumn leaves. It was like I was a child again and they were calling me to go and play, so we did. We threw leaves at each other. We threw them in the air and danced under them. We ran and chased. We kicked them. We played.

I love how it's in a child's nature to gravitate to the things that bring joy. Often I'm quick to pull them back, but a lot of the time, I actually just need to let them be, and more often than not, I need to join them! I don't want to squash my children's joy, I want them to embrace it and grow in it.

There is so much research on the positive effects of play for children, it enhances brain development and helps them make sense of the world, and it's great for bonding and building our own relationship with them. I believe play goes much deeper and is good for their soul.

Some of the things we like to do with the kids are:

• Make indoor obstacle courses with furniture (so much fun on a rainy day)
• Grab ALL the pillows and cushions in the house, pile them up in the lounge and make a mountain, we climb the mountain, wrestle and jump all over it.

Zachy and his best buddy climbing Pillow Mountain

• Build indoor slides (with our coffee table)
• Build forts with blankets
• Rough and tumble on the floor (which almost always ends in tears when it's with Daddy)
• We encourage imagination by making up stories together, we give Zachy 3 things to make up a story about (Eg: tell us a story about a pink elephant, 10 balloons, and Elmo). Some of the things he comes up with are hilarious.
• Baking, play dough, finger painting etc.

Fridays are our day off, and we've renamed them Funday. Because we work during the week and during the weekend, we guard our day off and treasure the dedicated time with our kids. We always try to get out and about. Today was a beautiful day, so we drove into Wellington and hired a croc-o-cycle.

Riding a Crocodile on Funday!

We picnic'd together and played at a park. Sometimes we go swimming, other times we go to junglerama, some days we just veg out, play games and watch DVDs but Fridays are always Fundays. In fact last week, Brenton got Zac up, and the first thing Zac said was "Yay! It's our day off!"


Even now, with the kids tucked up in bed Brenton and I are having a giggle. Yesterday Zac had been to the toilet, and came into me and the conversation went a little like this:
Z: Mummy, I put my thing in the toilet (with a massive grin on his face)
M: Your what? Your wees?
Z: No, my ... ummm, my... ummm, ahhhh, my
M: What Zachy? What did you put in the toilet?
Z: My, ahhh, shape?
M: Your shape? Whats your shape?
I walked into the toilet to see what he was talking about, and the toilet bowl was empty
M:Zachy, did you put something in the toilet and flush?
Z: Yeeeaaaah (Nodding proudly)
As we were walking back into the lounge I kept asking what it was, and he couldn't tell me. Eventually he walked over and pointed to the draw we keep the bibs in
Z: I got it out of there!
M: A bib? did you flush a bib?
Z: Yeah ... I did (still grinning)
M: Zachy, we don't flush bibs, the toilet might stop working. (I was trying unsuccessfully not to laugh.)

I forgot to tell Brenton this story. Tonight Brenton had a conversation with Zac, while he waited for Zac to do wees on the toilet before bed. Their conversation went a bit like this.
B: You doin OK?
Z: Yep. I put my bib in the toilet
B: No you didn't, you've still got it around your neck.
Z: Yes I did
B: Do you mean the downstairs toilet?
Z: Yes, and it's gone!
B: Ohhh Zachy! Zachy, only three things go in the toilet: Poohs, wees and toilet paper. Do you understand?
Z: Yup (very thoughtfully, sitting on the toilet he started to count with his fingers) Poohs, Wees, Toilet paper. (A few moments of silence, and he shows all his fingers) AND BIBS!

The kid has comic timing, he is full of joy and brings us joy! Our children's play and experimentation
 helps them understand the world, helps their brain develop. Some of the greatest life lessons I have learnt, have been from my children in the last 3 years! As a parent, I see my role as one of nurturing, loving, providing, guiding and teaching (to name a few). But I don't see my 'teaching' role as a one way street! My kids have so much to teach me, if I'm open and willing to learn from them, and I am.

What funny things have your kids done, that you've HAD to laugh about?
How do you play with your kids? What do you do to keep life fun for them?
What's the greatest lesson you've learnt from your kids?
Share your ideas and thoughts in the comments below, I'd love some new things to try with our kids.

My final Itsy Bitsy thoughts on parenting. (For a while anyway) 

Rules are made to be broken ... right?

"Rules are made to be broken!" Those are the words that I heard my mother told my son at a birthday party we were at a couple of months ago. (Sigh). I'm pretty sure if anyone had said the same thing to me when I was Zacs age, she wouldn't have been  to thrilled about it ... but somewhere in the transition of parent to grandparent, she's softened ... a LOT! I think in context we had told Zac no more chippies before lunch, or no more lollies or you will feel sick, and she couldn't resist his cute little pleading face and gave him whatever it was he was asking for. The thing is, there was a reason we set the rule we set. To protect Zac from a sore tummy later, to protect ourselves from a 3 year old bouncing off the walls, to make sure Zac had enough room for some healthy nourishing food a bit later, it wasn't just to deny him the right to something he enjoyed. Thankfully there were other friends around who knew the rules and then moved the lollies or chips so Zac wouldn't ask his Nana again : )

We have rules in our family because we want to teach/guide/lead our children to become thoughtful, caring, loving, law abiding adults. Rules like "No hitting" and "Speaking to each other with kind words" and there are consequences if we break the rules (we use time out for these kind of things, 1 minute per year of life). It's time for them to sit by themselves and just reflect on their behaviour, it's worked well so far.

We also want to teach our children about self discipline, so we have intentionally not moved some things up higher that we don't want them touching ... like the CD's. Instead we have taught them (with a LOT of patience, and sometimes not so much patience) that they aren't to touch and play with the CD's. In the big scheme of things, it's not a huge deal if they do, but it's a way we can teach them obedience, respect, consequences and self discipline.

Also just basic rules to keep the kids safe ... "No running out onto the road, you must hold mummy or daddy's hand when crossing" or "Sitting on your bottom while you have food in your mouth" ya know, that kind of thing.

We've actually just started trialling letting Zac pick his own consequences for his actions ... seeing how this works out. He hit Evy the other day, so I said to him "Zac, we don't hit in our family ... what do you think should happen now because you broke the rule?" Eventually he came to the decision he would sit in the hallway in time out, he wasn't to happy about it, but realised there had to be a consequence for hitting his sister.

Some of the consequences we've used are time out, confiscating toys, banning a certain TV programme (the wiggles or bananas in pyjamas), depending on the rule that was broken. We hold them accountable to the rules, and they certainly hold us accountable to the same rules. We don't want to be "do as I say, not as i do" parents, and I've been challenged a few times when Zac has pulled me up. Sometimes Brenton and I will throw the remote to each other across the room and Zac will pipe up "Hey ... no throwing inside". Often our response will be something like "You're right Zachy, Sorry"

I'm a believer in consistency too. The same rules apply to all of us. There are the same consequences to the same rules broken. I can't not enforce the boundaries on days where i'm tired and can't be bothered because this just creates confusion. Consistency

In society there are rules I need to abide by, if I don't there are consequences ... if I get caught going over the speed limit, I have to pay a fine, If I abused my children, I would have them removed from my care, If I stole from a neighbour I may face jail time. I want to teach my children that life is about making choices ... many of these choices are around abiding by, or breaking rules and when we break rules there are consequences. I'd much rather they learn this tough life lesson from me in  an environment where they are loved and cared for, then the hard way later down the track.

On the flip side, there are some rules in society that suck, and times where I think authority needs to be challenged. With this in mind, as the kids get older, I'll endeavour to teach them balance, how to distinguish between the rules that are right, and those that fly in the face of basic human rights.

Basically, I value boundaries and think our children have thrived so far with the rules and boundaries we have put in place, I love my kids and want them to learn how to function well in society as caring, kind, stable adults, we think rules and boundaries will help them grow into these kinds of people... so far so good!

I think it's important to note that sometimes the consequences seem unfair, and we need to acknowledge that. Zac may cry because of the consequence and I need to recognise and acknowledge how he feels about the scenario. Rules are important, so are the consequences BUT so are his feelings and emotions! Often I will say something like "Zachy, I know you don't want to sit in time out, and i know it's stink ... but the reason you are here is because ..."

Anyway, some more itsy bitsy thoughts.

What rules and boundaries do you have in your family?
Do you think we should have boundaries for our kids ... should we enforce them with consequences or just let children learn for themselves?
How important do you think consistency is?
Let me know what you think in the comments section below!

Attachment Parenting ... Pfft!

HA! Got your attention with this posts title didn't I? I don't actually believe that AP is wrong... let me just clarify that now before I start getting hate mail! With Zac, we never really 'attachment parented' But with our newest addition we have taken some of the concepts from attachment parenting and implemented them.We adopted Evy just short of her first Birthday, so building attachment has been something we have worked really hard on and I've found the Attachment Parenting (AP) model really helpful. If this is a new idea for you, you can visit "What AP is"

Our experience and choice of parenting for Zac however has been quite different from AP one we've thought has been successful. The reason I've started thinking about it in the last week of so is after watching a segment on 60 minutes dedicated to AP (some parents weren't to fussed on the way this presented AP)
Before I had Zac a friend had started to base her parenting on the book Baby Wise (the link is a wikipedia link, not the best source i know, but it outlines what it is and also shows criticism against Baby Wise). Anyway, my friend, she had a cruisy baby who slept through early on, he was content and happy and so i decided it was worth reading the book. As I read it, it really resonated with me. It lined up with the kind of parenting i had observed as a teenager in a family whose children have grown into incredible young men and the kind of parenting we decided to imitate.  EVERY parent I've spoken to who have been 'baby wise parents' only had positive things to say. In fairness ... I've only had this conversation with about 11 mums ... it's not a full blown research project.

I am the mother of two wonderful, gorgeous children. I am incredibly blessed!

This is my story, and I am not implying it's the way all children should be raised, I'm not implying it's the only way ... it's the way we choose to do it, and our choice was made based on the way we had seen other children raised, and the kind of people they were/are becoming. (Our choice wasn't based so much on research ... i can be pretty scepticle of research and its credibility) In saying that, again, our parenting style has changed a little for Evy and we've taken on some AP concepts.

 My son is 3 now and a well behaved, smart, kind, empathetic, independent, loving little boy (I know, biased much?). (Just like to note at this point he never failed to thrive, suffered malnutrition and as yet has no hint of any emotional disorders) At 6 weeks old we started to establish a routine for Zac and by soon after Zachy learnt to self settle and was sleeping through the nights at 8 weeks old. He was super cruisy (once i got into the swing of things ... first child and all), super placid and extremely happy! His first night was the only night he slept in the same room with me (I slept in the lounge with Zac after a 12 hour home birth the night before), i found it stressful, couldn't sleep and jumped at his every move... from night 2 he was in his own room. When he would wake for feeds i would let him cry a bit ... so he could settle if it wasn't hunger or poos or pain, and if he continued i would go in and feed and change him. I would have the hallway light on limiting the light in his room and i wouldn't talk to him or make eye contact. I would simply hold and nurse him and put him back to bed. He very quickly learnt the difference between night and day and was sleeping through before long.
When I would put him down for day sleeps in the early days he would often sleep in the moses basket in the lounge. I would put him down, and let him cry. 10 minutes was my cap, if he was still crying at 10 minutes then i would come and soothe him and we'd try again ... more often than not, he'd be asleep before 10 minutes. Yup, I'm a parent who watches the clock! We set his sleep times and set a routine for him to work around us.

Understandably if a child is left to cry for hours on end, of course that will be detrimental, but i don't believe crying is harmful for children ... in fact, i actually quite like a good cry myself! The interesting thing we found is that once Zac was well established in his routine (set by us)... he stopped crying ... he just didn't cry (unless he'd hurt himself) because he didn't need to. He came to realise that sleep, eating, bathing, playing all happened, and he just cruised through it all. He would wake up, chat away in his cot ... knowing we would be there to pick him up when it was time. We didn't have to respond so quickly that he didn't cry, he just didn't cry because he was secure and knew his needs would be met, we put this down to routine ... he certainly had off days and we would just go with it on these days but mostly he was up and feeding at 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm and again at 11pm by 8 weeks he was going through to 7am and not long after that dropped the 11pm feed. Obviously as he got older and his needs changed, we changed his routine ... but it has been a sweeeeet ride!!!

One of the interesting things I've read in research is that letting a baby cry can result in brain damage ... well Zachy is certainly not that, he was counting to 12 and singing his ABC's well before he was 2.

I also note that the particular family we have chosen to model our parenting from have 5 boys who all excel in certain areas, musically, academically and physically. They are teens and adults now and incredibly well adjusted! No sign of brain damage what-so-ever! Sometimes I read research and I'm sceptical because what the research says really doesn't match up to my own experience or my own observations.

As I've been writing today's post, I've thought of a number of ideas/thoughts/observations we have based our parenting on and i think each one probably deserves a post of it's own so over the next week or two I will blog sharing our story, our own evolving model of parenting. It's probably a mix of all kinds of parenting styles, but one we have found super successful when we look at our kids. It includes: Routine, Routine Routine, Rules and Boundaries, It takes a village to raise a child and fun & play. I'm sure I'll probably discover more as i go. I am no professional, I'm not trying to be, I only have 2 children and they are still young (plenty more time for me to make more mistakes)... I'm just wanting to share our story and what has worked for us over the last 3 years ... take it or leave it, with the whole AP 'movement' (I don't know if that's the right thing to call it) I've sometimes felt like maybe I've done the wrong thing with Zac, and caused him more harm then good, but then i look at him and realise that so far ... he's turned out great.

All in all, if we were to have another baby ... we'd be definitely be leaning towards the controversial Baby Wise again.
What have you found has really worked for you in your parenting?
Is there any ones parenting style you observed before you had kids you wanted to imitate in your own parenting?
Share with me in the comments section below!

Some simple itsy bitsy thoughts from SamMe.

P.S: The dolls house is really coming along nicely ... almost finished the interior ... I just have to find some kind of carpet and then the work on the exterior will begin. I'm having SO much!!!

The inside so far ... bit of paint and wall paper to brighten it up

The outside all prepped and ready to paint