Attachment Parenting ... Pfft!

HA! Got your attention with this posts title didn't I? I don't actually believe that AP is wrong... let me just clarify that now before I start getting hate mail! With Zac, we never really 'attachment parented' But with our newest addition we have taken some of the concepts from attachment parenting and implemented them.We adopted Evy just short of her first Birthday, so building attachment has been something we have worked really hard on and I've found the Attachment Parenting (AP) model really helpful. If this is a new idea for you, you can visit "What AP is"

Our experience and choice of parenting for Zac however has been quite different from AP one we've thought has been successful. The reason I've started thinking about it in the last week of so is after watching a segment on 60 minutes dedicated to AP (some parents weren't to fussed on the way this presented AP)
Before I had Zac a friend had started to base her parenting on the book Baby Wise (the link is a wikipedia link, not the best source i know, but it outlines what it is and also shows criticism against Baby Wise). Anyway, my friend, she had a cruisy baby who slept through early on, he was content and happy and so i decided it was worth reading the book. As I read it, it really resonated with me. It lined up with the kind of parenting i had observed as a teenager in a family whose children have grown into incredible young men and the kind of parenting we decided to imitate.  EVERY parent I've spoken to who have been 'baby wise parents' only had positive things to say. In fairness ... I've only had this conversation with about 11 mums ... it's not a full blown research project.

I am the mother of two wonderful, gorgeous children. I am incredibly blessed!

This is my story, and I am not implying it's the way all children should be raised, I'm not implying it's the only way ... it's the way we choose to do it, and our choice was made based on the way we had seen other children raised, and the kind of people they were/are becoming. (Our choice wasn't based so much on research ... i can be pretty scepticle of research and its credibility) In saying that, again, our parenting style has changed a little for Evy and we've taken on some AP concepts.

 My son is 3 now and a well behaved, smart, kind, empathetic, independent, loving little boy (I know, biased much?). (Just like to note at this point he never failed to thrive, suffered malnutrition and as yet has no hint of any emotional disorders) At 6 weeks old we started to establish a routine for Zac and by soon after Zachy learnt to self settle and was sleeping through the nights at 8 weeks old. He was super cruisy (once i got into the swing of things ... first child and all), super placid and extremely happy! His first night was the only night he slept in the same room with me (I slept in the lounge with Zac after a 12 hour home birth the night before), i found it stressful, couldn't sleep and jumped at his every move... from night 2 he was in his own room. When he would wake for feeds i would let him cry a bit ... so he could settle if it wasn't hunger or poos or pain, and if he continued i would go in and feed and change him. I would have the hallway light on limiting the light in his room and i wouldn't talk to him or make eye contact. I would simply hold and nurse him and put him back to bed. He very quickly learnt the difference between night and day and was sleeping through before long.
When I would put him down for day sleeps in the early days he would often sleep in the moses basket in the lounge. I would put him down, and let him cry. 10 minutes was my cap, if he was still crying at 10 minutes then i would come and soothe him and we'd try again ... more often than not, he'd be asleep before 10 minutes. Yup, I'm a parent who watches the clock! We set his sleep times and set a routine for him to work around us.

Understandably if a child is left to cry for hours on end, of course that will be detrimental, but i don't believe crying is harmful for children ... in fact, i actually quite like a good cry myself! The interesting thing we found is that once Zac was well established in his routine (set by us)... he stopped crying ... he just didn't cry (unless he'd hurt himself) because he didn't need to. He came to realise that sleep, eating, bathing, playing all happened, and he just cruised through it all. He would wake up, chat away in his cot ... knowing we would be there to pick him up when it was time. We didn't have to respond so quickly that he didn't cry, he just didn't cry because he was secure and knew his needs would be met, we put this down to routine ... he certainly had off days and we would just go with it on these days but mostly he was up and feeding at 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm and again at 11pm by 8 weeks he was going through to 7am and not long after that dropped the 11pm feed. Obviously as he got older and his needs changed, we changed his routine ... but it has been a sweeeeet ride!!!

One of the interesting things I've read in research is that letting a baby cry can result in brain damage ... well Zachy is certainly not that, he was counting to 12 and singing his ABC's well before he was 2.

I also note that the particular family we have chosen to model our parenting from have 5 boys who all excel in certain areas, musically, academically and physically. They are teens and adults now and incredibly well adjusted! No sign of brain damage what-so-ever! Sometimes I read research and I'm sceptical because what the research says really doesn't match up to my own experience or my own observations.

As I've been writing today's post, I've thought of a number of ideas/thoughts/observations we have based our parenting on and i think each one probably deserves a post of it's own so over the next week or two I will blog sharing our story, our own evolving model of parenting. It's probably a mix of all kinds of parenting styles, but one we have found super successful when we look at our kids. It includes: Routine, Routine Routine, Rules and Boundaries, It takes a village to raise a child and fun & play. I'm sure I'll probably discover more as i go. I am no professional, I'm not trying to be, I only have 2 children and they are still young (plenty more time for me to make more mistakes)... I'm just wanting to share our story and what has worked for us over the last 3 years ... take it or leave it, with the whole AP 'movement' (I don't know if that's the right thing to call it) I've sometimes felt like maybe I've done the wrong thing with Zac, and caused him more harm then good, but then i look at him and realise that so far ... he's turned out great.

All in all, if we were to have another baby ... we'd be definitely be leaning towards the controversial Baby Wise again.
What have you found has really worked for you in your parenting?
Is there any ones parenting style you observed before you had kids you wanted to imitate in your own parenting?
Share with me in the comments section below!

Some simple itsy bitsy thoughts from SamMe.

P.S: The dolls house is really coming along nicely ... almost finished the interior ... I just have to find some kind of carpet and then the work on the exterior will begin. I'm having SO much!!!

The inside so far ... bit of paint and wall paper to brighten it up

The outside all prepped and ready to paint

A tribute to Glad

I've been sewing! Whipped up these mean little nap mats for the kiddliwinks ...



Zachy chillin out on his new Thomas Nap Mat



They were sooo easy, thanks pinterest for the inspiration! All i did was zig zag sew 5 pillows together, pop some pillows in and voila, a handy dandy nap mat! Well, they would have been easy ... if my 1st attempt hadn't had me persevering for four hours solid (not even kidding, and NOT exaggerating in the slightest)! I was so determined to do this for the kids one Saturday in time for family movie night, that every time the cotton broke (which was about every 10 seconds) i just tried again. After 4 hours when i was only a quarter of the way through sewing my 2nd and 3rd pillow together, I finally gave up. I decided the sewing machine needed a service, so took it to the shop and when they quoted $130 to have it serviced, i brought some oil instead and took it home and gave it a good clean and oil. That seemed to do the trick actually, (oh and Brenton's mum had a good look at it for me, changed a few settings) and now its working wonderfully. Which is quite fabulous really, since it was brought in 1985 by my Nana!

It was quite incredible actually, as i used the machine i have inherited from my Nana, Gladys Catherine Wilson, a truckload of memories started flooding back. Memories of staying in Napier during the school holidays as a kid, and going to sleep with the sound of the sewing machine whirring away in the lounge. I remembered times when i was sleeping in the same room as the machine, and sometimes in the middle of the night i would wake up, the bedroom light would be on and Nana would be sewing away. Nana was so creative, she was always making something. Dolls, teddy bears, you name it, she could make it, and she would be up to the early early hours of the morning doing it! I remember waking up in the middle of the night, walking out to the lounge, it would be 2am, and Nana would be making ... but she would see me, put down what she was doing, open her arms and wrap me up with a big cuddle. I remember 5am starts on a Saturday and Sunday morning, to head down to Marine Parade where she would set up her stall and sell all her marvellous creations. When Zac was born she made him a beautiful little teddy bear, this was the last of her creations we were given, it sits with pride of place on a shelf in his room. What I've realised as I've started creating lately ... is that I've inherited my Nana's creativity, and even though i miss her like crazy, when I'm sewing on her old machine, or making something, I'm reminded of her, and i feel close to her again.

Using what has become one of my most treasured possessions - the 1985 sewing machine inherited from my Nana.

I'm so grateful for these memories, because since Nana has died the memories most vivid have been the ones of her body wasting away and her struggling to breath as she fought a long and hard battle against cancer. She was a fighter, a woman who showed a strength i haven't seen in many people, a woman who desired a united family, a woman who loved us with everything she had, a woman who taught me to put vicks on my children's back, chest and FEET when they have a cold (cos that's what she did for me), a woman who made me promise to teach my son to be good to women, a woman who I admire and respect, a woman who influenced me to be the person I am today.

My Nana holding Zachy at his dedication in 2009.

I'm thankful to be reminded of the good memories I have of my Nana, and the influence she's had in my life. Who are the people who have had the most influence in your life? What memories do you have of them? I think it's essential to remember those who have gone before us, what they've taught us and what we can pass on to our own children and the generations to come.

Some not so itsy bitsy thoughts from me.

Sand Away...

Well, Evy's dolls house is currently looking worse than when i started! I'm beginning to think this was the worst idea EVER... well maybe just the sanding was the worst idea ever ... this dolls house has been painted a number of times, so getting rid of the paint is proving to be a bigger job than i thought!

The other day in a small group, we were asked what came to mind when we thought of potential, some of the others thought of new creations, but i thought of the dolls house. This dolls house was created for a purpose, to bring joy to a little girl or boy somewhere, who I'm sure absolutely loved it. But somewhere along the way it got a bit battered then it got a new paint job to cover up the dents and nicks, then it got used and battered a bit more, and so some more paint was popped on to make it look as good as new again. Then it got battered and broken all over again until it found it's way to our family store.

When i saw it on that dark, rainy, windy night, i saw its potential, potential to be again what it was originally created for ... to bring joy to a little girl or boy. When i think of potential i think restoration, I think about a dolls house being restored to its original purpose. But it goes even further ... yes the dolls house will be restored, but i want it to be even better than it was, i want it to be the best it can possibly be for Evy (and for Zachy, i know he'll love it too!)

I can't help but relate the dolls house to me, to us humans, we were created for a purpose, to bring Joy to God, to love him and love others. Sin stops us from fulfilling that original purpose, but God who is in the business of restoration wants to get us back to that original state through his son Jesus ... and it's totally possible. Throughout life we've sometime given ourselves a new paint job, covering up the dents and nicks and chips ... the thing is to be fully restored we can't just keep painting over the top. We've gotta get to the bottom and get it sorted, well actually, we have to let God get to the bottom, we've got to let him do some sanding.

What I've realised this week is that sanding isn't easy, it takes time, it's a process ... so is restoration ... but i want to reach my potential in life, fulfil the purpose i was created for ... so I say "Sand Away Lord!"

Just some simple 'itsy bitsy' thoughts from Me!

I'd love to hear about any of your own projects ... Have you ever restored anything? What was it? What were the challenges and joys of the restoration process?

A glimpse of potential...

Over the past week, I've been busy caring for my two little poppets who've both had ear infections! I took Zachy to the Dr on Sunday, and the following day took Evy. Because I couldn't get her an appointment during the day i had to take her to the after hours. By the time we came out (after at least an hour) it was dark and pouring with rain ... i mean pouring ... those REALLY fat heavy raindrops where you need your wipers on super speed! I piled Evy into the car, buckled her up and jumped in. As we headed out of the car park i drove past the back of our family store (which backs onto the Dr's) and that's when i caught a glimpse!

3 seconds ... that's all it took! As i drove past the family store my eyes caught sight of this beautiful dolls house, it was sitting in the rain, in the cold, on a dark night, it had no roof, and it was sitting beside the skip bin ... you know what that means! It was on its way out! At first glance i thought ... "ooh, it'd be cool to do something with that!" All i could see was potential ... what could be.

As i curled up into bed that night ... I started to think about the dolls house, and colour schemes, and how i could fix it up ... sand it back, give it a new paint job, get some wood, cut out a roof, nail it on, and wham, bam, a dolls house Sam! I'm sure i spent at least 2 hours dreaming about how amazing i could make it, and how much fun Evy would have when she finally gets it in her hot little hands.

So the next day i went back to the family store and asked what the plan was for the dolls house, and they were going to throw it out, It certainly wasn't as beautiful as I'd thought ... but for a koha i piled it into the car ... well squeezed it in ... it took up the whole boot (and i didn't actually squeeze it in, one of the staff did) ... it was much bigger than I'd thought on the cold, dark, rainy night! Bonus was though ... that it did have a roof, just not attached.

So, here's my first little DIY project!

It's going to be a slow progression i think, but I'm looking forward to it. I didn't realise how much work it is going to be until i started to clean it  ... as i cleaned i thought "how am i going to do this?" "I wonder if I'll actually finish this" ... i have a tendency to start things and not finish them ... like books, i hardly EVER finish books!
So here begins the Dolls House project. I'm thinking pink, and pretty! (I've popped some ideas on my kiddliwinks pinterest board) here's hoping I'll see it through to completion ... in a reasonable time frame ... time will tell!

Itsy Bitsy :)

P.S: I've discovered spell check!