Thinking Adoption

When I was a child I loved to play with dolls and play "babies". And when there wasn't a doll, I had imaginary babies. A friend and I use to pretend we had 8 children each … I always had a couple of sets of twins in my lot. As I grew up, my desire was to get married and have lots of babies. By the time I was a teenager I’d started spending weekends with a family from church who had 4 kids under 5. I was in my element, giving bottles, changing nappies … not really how most teenagers spend their weekends. I loved it, I felt like I was born for it. Anyone who knew me as a teenager, knows I used to talk about having my very own 7's rugby team.

If only it was as simple as getting married and having babies. 2 ½ years after our first child (Zac) was born, and a after a difficult journey with surgery, doctors, medications and the like we were given the diagnosis of "unexplained secondary infertility",Gutted!

It was heartbreaking.

It felt like the journey of a lifetime that would never end.

In the midst of the heartbreak and tears God began to speak to us about adoption. Looking back now, I see his hand in it all. Hindsight really is a wonderful thing.

I was in Palmy with Family, about halfway through last year, when someone who I admire and respect as a friend and parent asked me "Have you considered heading down the track of adoption?" In that one comment, something resonated in my spirit and I couldn't let it go. It was a thought that hounded me, so I prayed, "God, if this is your plan, you have to be the one to tell Brenton". It seems that God didn't think Brenton was the one who needed convincing. From that point on a series of events occurred pointing towards adoption.

Family members kept raising the idea of adoption, we’d get out DVDs – they’d have adoption themes running through them. Steve Dunne from the Jeremiah trust was guest speaker at youth councils. I wasn’t even there, but the youth came home raving about it and by some strange series of events I ended up on a phone conversation with him where he challenged me about adoption. I went to a women's conference where one of the key speakers spoke on Isaiah 54 (pretty sure that passage of scripture is compulsory for any women's conference, in my limited experience, it seems to make an appearance at least once!). She weaved the theme of adoption through her message and by the end of it my stomach was in knots, my heart was beating a million beats a second and the tears were flowing like a torrential downpour … God was speaking … again! It was like everywhere I turned there was a giant billboard with “ADOPT” written on it, plain as day!

Come November adoption was a frequent topic of conversation between Brenton and I. Brenton had a whole lot of questions and so we decided to attend an information evening through Child Youth and Family early December. At the end of the evening we both came away thinking this is something we could possibly do. We took the application papers away with us and decided to commit it to prayer over our summer holiday.

One of the key things that struck us at the adoption information evening was that last year in New Zealand there were around 50 adoptions (side note: There were 15,863 abortions in NZ in 2011). There are a few hundred people in the pool to adopt. So the chances of adopting in New Zealand are pretty minimal! With that in mind, by the end of our holiday, we thought “Why not? The chances of us actually adopting are next to none. Let’s send in our papers and see what happens. We will trust God with the outcome.”

So at the end of January this year, we posted our application papers with only close family knowing. Within a week of sending it off, we were approached by Evy's Birth Mum who asked us “Would you consider adopting Evy?” This is a young woman we know, who had no idea of the track we were heading down. Here begun our journey of adopting our precious, God-given daughter.

Our beautiful daughter on our first family outing

 I have no doubt of the hand of God in this situation. God is faithful and true.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13

Kids, time and Jesus

What could be better? Seriously! There really is nothing like being in Christs presence!

So, why is it so hard to find time to get there? I don't know about you, but I find as a mum of two young children (3 & 1), spending dedicated time in Gods presence, in His word and seeking Him in prayer can be challenging to say the least.  In fact, it's been a daily struggle since having Zachy 3 1/2 years ago. It can be easy to find time to find time for facebook, or a fab TV show, yet I can struggle to make time to spend with God.

The constant "Muuuuum"s, requests, toys, books, messy lounge and squabbles easily fill my day (I wouldn't change it, I adore my kids). When Zachy was little I would sometimes find I could go a whole day without even saying hello to Jesus. Often those were the hardest, most tiring days. Yet in His Presence we find rest and strength. What I've come to realise is that a day without Jesus is like living in survival mode, we just get by. Days with Jesus, in the presence of His Spirit are full of life, joy, peace, power, grace and mercy.

I used to wipe off dedicated time with Jesus with "He's with me all day, I can pray to him anytime for anything", "I'm not a morning person" (understatement of the century!!!), "I can find Jesus in my everyday"  which is true, but they became excuses for not setting time aside to just be with Him , to just simply hang out, seek him, listen for him.  You know what? My time set aside with Jesus, in prayer and in His Word goes beyond my expectations every time! He never fails me, He always speaks when I'm listening, and I fall more in love with Him each time. (Like that's not enough reason to make time with Him a priority!)

I don't have all the answers, time with Jesus continues to be a struggle with two wee ones, but it's definitely a battle worth fighting. I don't want to survive each day, I want to live each day to its fullest.
This is an ongoing journey, it will continue to be. At the moment, some days I start the day with Jesus first thing, other days it's when my kids go down for their nap, others it's in the evening before bed, but I'm endeavouring to make it a daily thing because In Gods presence:

• we find rest (Exodus 22:14)
• there is fullness of joy (Psalm 16:11)
• we experience His goodness (Psalms 31:19-20)
• we are strengthened (Psalms 46:1)
• we are cleansed (Psalms 51:10-11)
• we discover our true identity (Psalms 100:2-5)
• we are redeemed (Isaiah 63:8-9)
• we are refreshed (Acts 3:19-21)
• we find hope (Romans 5:5)
• we are given life (John 6:63)
• we are set free (2 Corinthians 3:17)
• we experience his love (Romans 5:5)
• we are transformed (2 Corinthians 3:18)

Amazing huh? SO SIMPLE TOO!

What things have you put in place to make spending time in Gods presence a priority?
For you parents out there, any tips for other young mums when it comes to hanging out with Jesus?

Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms. For the LORD is the great God, And the great King above all gods. Psalms 95:2-3

Much Aroha,
SamMe!

Being Church Messy Styles - The GodFather

Brenton and I are privileged to be Salvation Army Officers. Basically this means we are ministers/pastors/leaders of the Upper Hutt Salvation Army and we oversight the Salvation Army community ministries (a branch of the army's social services) in Upper Hutt. There's never a dull moment! In March this year our Churches building caught fire due to an electrical fault in an extractor fan in our food bank. We received a call at 11.30pm alerting us, and by the time we got there, there were 7 appliances at the scene, and a butt load of smoke!

Needless to say, church on Sunday wouldn't be happening in that building. Thankfully, we are just around the corner from The Salvation Army's Booth College of Mission (where people train to become Salvation Army officers), and they very kindly let their home become ours for a good 6 months! LEGENDS!

Because we've been without a permanent 'home' since the fire, we've had the opportunity to experiment a little bit with church (So exciting, I can't resist letting out a little squeal of delight!) On the first Sunday of each month we've held church at a community centre in Timberlea. Church has looked different at Timberlea, and takes a 'Messy Church' approach. The first Sunday we did this we had REAL - LIVE - DONKEYS (poohs, eey oores and all!) , it was Palm Sunday and helped to give us a picture of what it would have been like for Jesus riding into Jerusalem that day.

Zachy feeds a donkey at Messy Church on Palm Sunday

Generally Messy church goes like this:
   The morning starts with family friendly activities (by family I mean from the youngest person you can think of, through to the oldest) for about 30 minutes (the activities introduce the theme for the day and are connected to the sermon).
   We then come together and sing some songs to Praise God, and then have a short teach time (we aim for a message no longer than 7 minutes, we like to share the word in bite size chunks to make it easy for people to chew on and digest)
   We eat together (actual physical food as opposed to Gods Word ... Word yo!) - we usually have a sausage sizzle.

My favourite Messy Church so far, has to have been Fathers Day. We decided to celebrate men and their masculinity. We started with some stereotypical manly activities ... arm wrestles, tug-o-war, shooting targets (with nerf guns ... safety first). We had the opportunity to make moustaches, we practised shaving ... by shaving shaving cream off balloons, and for the crafty ... we could make Father Day Cards.

The real crowd pleaser though ... was the Harley Davidson Rides. I'd approached the Wellington Hog Club and asked if maybe 4 or 5 people could bring their Harleys down to give people rides. Well, they arrived in full force with about 12 bikes! The noise alone attracted a number of people from the community. People faces were ecstatic on return from a ride around the block, adrenaline was pumping and the buzz was beyond words! Some of the kids had 4 or 5 rides on different bikes and it was an experience they won't forget anytime soon!

After about 40 minutes we packed up the activity stations and set up for the teach time.  We always start with a celebration time where people can come and share whats happened for them in the last month. A definite highlight was one woman from the community coming up and celebrating her children, just because she could! She later said to me she'd like us to dedicate her children. We sung some songs and then had the message. We heard about the love of our Father God, his strength, dedication and commitment to us, which is always good to hear when so many people grow up without Fathers around these days.

After the teach time we headed outside for BBQ bacon, hash browns and sausages (Nom, Nom, Nom). This is always a key part of the morning because it's where we connect with people, develop relationships and where we have the chance to really do life together.

Some of the main things we've learnt about Messy church are:

• Have an outside activity - It draws people down
• Be committed to the community - We've been in Timberlea for 3 years now (it started with weekend events once a year, then became free monthly Sausage Sizzles and is now monthly Messy Church.)
• Keep the teach times short - Many of the people we have come just need small amounts of teaching to chew on, much of it is new to them
• Be intentional about connecting with people - we are still working on this one
• Saturate the whole thing in prayer - without the Holy Spirit moving it's just an event.

In October we are hoping to do something a little different again ... thinking outside the box ... we don't want to be restricted by falling into a routine ... same old, same old ... YAWN! God doesn't fit in a box, I don't think His Church should either. We want to be innovative and creative when it comes to fulfilling Christ commission to "make disciples of all nations" (Matthew 28:19) . After all, He is The Master when is comes to Creating! Anyway, I could go on but I wont. I'll let you know how it goes some other time.

Itsy Bitsy SamMe

Jumping in Puddles, Poohs, Wees, Toilet Paper, and Bibs

 

There's something to be said about the simplicity and joy in the life of a toddler. My kids have reminded me and taught me that time and time again.

Our kiddlywinks jumping in puddles during our recent holiday in Taupo

I remember taking Zac to the park last year sometime ... he was probably 2 at the time. As soon as he got out of the car, he bee-lined for the nearest puddle ... I ran and grabbed him just before he got there! I swooped him up, and said "No Zachy, you'll get all wet if you jump in the puddle." We ventured to the park and played on the swings, slides ... well actually I watched him play. As I sat there I thought about how quick I was to pull him out of the puddle, and I began to question why I'd done it. What's wrong with jumping in puddles, who cares if we get wet, we can always go home and change later. He was absolutely loving climbing and sliding, he was giggling away and I just thought ... JOY! He is full of Joy. That's what his life consists of, and sometimes I get so busy, and am in a constant rush, I don't stop to jump in the puddles. At that moment, I called Zac over and we made our way back to that first delightful puddle that enticed him when we first arrived. And we jumped in it! It was fun. We got wet. We laughed. We splashed each other. We got muddy. It was exciting. It was delightful. It was joyful.



Then I looked across the park and saw a field full of trees and fallen autumn leaves. It was like I was a child again and they were calling me to go and play, so we did. We threw leaves at each other. We threw them in the air and danced under them. We ran and chased. We kicked them. We played.

I love how it's in a child's nature to gravitate to the things that bring joy. Often I'm quick to pull them back, but a lot of the time, I actually just need to let them be, and more often than not, I need to join them! I don't want to squash my children's joy, I want them to embrace it and grow in it.

There is so much research on the positive effects of play for children, it enhances brain development and helps them make sense of the world, and it's great for bonding and building our own relationship with them. I believe play goes much deeper and is good for their soul.

Some of the things we like to do with the kids are:

• Make indoor obstacle courses with furniture (so much fun on a rainy day)
• Grab ALL the pillows and cushions in the house, pile them up in the lounge and make a mountain, we climb the mountain, wrestle and jump all over it.

Zachy and his best buddy climbing Pillow Mountain

• Build indoor slides (with our coffee table)
• Build forts with blankets
• Rough and tumble on the floor (which almost always ends in tears when it's with Daddy)
• We encourage imagination by making up stories together, we give Zachy 3 things to make up a story about (Eg: tell us a story about a pink elephant, 10 balloons, and Elmo). Some of the things he comes up with are hilarious.
• Baking, play dough, finger painting etc.

Fridays are our day off, and we've renamed them Funday. Because we work during the week and during the weekend, we guard our day off and treasure the dedicated time with our kids. We always try to get out and about. Today was a beautiful day, so we drove into Wellington and hired a croc-o-cycle.

Riding a Crocodile on Funday!

We picnic'd together and played at a park. Sometimes we go swimming, other times we go to junglerama, some days we just veg out, play games and watch DVDs but Fridays are always Fundays. In fact last week, Brenton got Zac up, and the first thing Zac said was "Yay! It's our day off!"


Even now, with the kids tucked up in bed Brenton and I are having a giggle. Yesterday Zac had been to the toilet, and came into me and the conversation went a little like this:
Z: Mummy, I put my thing in the toilet (with a massive grin on his face)
M: Your what? Your wees?
Z: No, my ... ummm, my... ummm, ahhhh, my
M: What Zachy? What did you put in the toilet?
Z: My, ahhh, shape?
M: Your shape? Whats your shape?
I walked into the toilet to see what he was talking about, and the toilet bowl was empty
M:Zachy, did you put something in the toilet and flush?
Z: Yeeeaaaah (Nodding proudly)
As we were walking back into the lounge I kept asking what it was, and he couldn't tell me. Eventually he walked over and pointed to the draw we keep the bibs in
Z: I got it out of there!
M: A bib? did you flush a bib?
Z: Yeah ... I did (still grinning)
M: Zachy, we don't flush bibs, the toilet might stop working. (I was trying unsuccessfully not to laugh.)

I forgot to tell Brenton this story. Tonight Brenton had a conversation with Zac, while he waited for Zac to do wees on the toilet before bed. Their conversation went a bit like this.
B: You doin OK?
Z: Yep. I put my bib in the toilet
B: No you didn't, you've still got it around your neck.
Z: Yes I did
B: Do you mean the downstairs toilet?
Z: Yes, and it's gone!
B: Ohhh Zachy! Zachy, only three things go in the toilet: Poohs, wees and toilet paper. Do you understand?
Z: Yup (very thoughtfully, sitting on the toilet he started to count with his fingers) Poohs, Wees, Toilet paper. (A few moments of silence, and he shows all his fingers) AND BIBS!

The kid has comic timing, he is full of joy and brings us joy! Our children's play and experimentation
 helps them understand the world, helps their brain develop. Some of the greatest life lessons I have learnt, have been from my children in the last 3 years! As a parent, I see my role as one of nurturing, loving, providing, guiding and teaching (to name a few). But I don't see my 'teaching' role as a one way street! My kids have so much to teach me, if I'm open and willing to learn from them, and I am.

What funny things have your kids done, that you've HAD to laugh about?
How do you play with your kids? What do you do to keep life fun for them?
What's the greatest lesson you've learnt from your kids?
Share your ideas and thoughts in the comments below, I'd love some new things to try with our kids.

My final Itsy Bitsy thoughts on parenting. (For a while anyway) 

Rules are made to be broken ... right?

"Rules are made to be broken!" Those are the words that I heard my mother told my son at a birthday party we were at a couple of months ago. (Sigh). I'm pretty sure if anyone had said the same thing to me when I was Zacs age, she wouldn't have been  to thrilled about it ... but somewhere in the transition of parent to grandparent, she's softened ... a LOT! I think in context we had told Zac no more chippies before lunch, or no more lollies or you will feel sick, and she couldn't resist his cute little pleading face and gave him whatever it was he was asking for. The thing is, there was a reason we set the rule we set. To protect Zac from a sore tummy later, to protect ourselves from a 3 year old bouncing off the walls, to make sure Zac had enough room for some healthy nourishing food a bit later, it wasn't just to deny him the right to something he enjoyed. Thankfully there were other friends around who knew the rules and then moved the lollies or chips so Zac wouldn't ask his Nana again : )

We have rules in our family because we want to teach/guide/lead our children to become thoughtful, caring, loving, law abiding adults. Rules like "No hitting" and "Speaking to each other with kind words" and there are consequences if we break the rules (we use time out for these kind of things, 1 minute per year of life). It's time for them to sit by themselves and just reflect on their behaviour, it's worked well so far.

We also want to teach our children about self discipline, so we have intentionally not moved some things up higher that we don't want them touching ... like the CD's. Instead we have taught them (with a LOT of patience, and sometimes not so much patience) that they aren't to touch and play with the CD's. In the big scheme of things, it's not a huge deal if they do, but it's a way we can teach them obedience, respect, consequences and self discipline.

Also just basic rules to keep the kids safe ... "No running out onto the road, you must hold mummy or daddy's hand when crossing" or "Sitting on your bottom while you have food in your mouth" ya know, that kind of thing.

We've actually just started trialling letting Zac pick his own consequences for his actions ... seeing how this works out. He hit Evy the other day, so I said to him "Zac, we don't hit in our family ... what do you think should happen now because you broke the rule?" Eventually he came to the decision he would sit in the hallway in time out, he wasn't to happy about it, but realised there had to be a consequence for hitting his sister.

Some of the consequences we've used are time out, confiscating toys, banning a certain TV programme (the wiggles or bananas in pyjamas), depending on the rule that was broken. We hold them accountable to the rules, and they certainly hold us accountable to the same rules. We don't want to be "do as I say, not as i do" parents, and I've been challenged a few times when Zac has pulled me up. Sometimes Brenton and I will throw the remote to each other across the room and Zac will pipe up "Hey ... no throwing inside". Often our response will be something like "You're right Zachy, Sorry"

I'm a believer in consistency too. The same rules apply to all of us. There are the same consequences to the same rules broken. I can't not enforce the boundaries on days where i'm tired and can't be bothered because this just creates confusion. Consistency

In society there are rules I need to abide by, if I don't there are consequences ... if I get caught going over the speed limit, I have to pay a fine, If I abused my children, I would have them removed from my care, If I stole from a neighbour I may face jail time. I want to teach my children that life is about making choices ... many of these choices are around abiding by, or breaking rules and when we break rules there are consequences. I'd much rather they learn this tough life lesson from me in  an environment where they are loved and cared for, then the hard way later down the track.

On the flip side, there are some rules in society that suck, and times where I think authority needs to be challenged. With this in mind, as the kids get older, I'll endeavour to teach them balance, how to distinguish between the rules that are right, and those that fly in the face of basic human rights.

Basically, I value boundaries and think our children have thrived so far with the rules and boundaries we have put in place, I love my kids and want them to learn how to function well in society as caring, kind, stable adults, we think rules and boundaries will help them grow into these kinds of people... so far so good!

I think it's important to note that sometimes the consequences seem unfair, and we need to acknowledge that. Zac may cry because of the consequence and I need to recognise and acknowledge how he feels about the scenario. Rules are important, so are the consequences BUT so are his feelings and emotions! Often I will say something like "Zachy, I know you don't want to sit in time out, and i know it's stink ... but the reason you are here is because ..."

Anyway, some more itsy bitsy thoughts.

What rules and boundaries do you have in your family?
Do you think we should have boundaries for our kids ... should we enforce them with consequences or just let children learn for themselves?
How important do you think consistency is?
Let me know what you think in the comments section below!

Actually ... "It takes a village..."

Zachys new thing at the moment is the word "actually". The other day he did something deserving of 'time out' and so I sent him into the hallway and as he got to the door he turned around, looked at me, and said ever so calmly "Actually, I don't want to go". No tanty ... just a calm objection to the consequence of his own behaviour (trust me, it's not always like this)! I had to bite my lip so i wouldn't lose it laughing. Since when has he known the word "actually"? He sounds so grown up when he uses it, it just doesn't seem right coming out of such a little person so matter-of-factly! Someone called him monkey the other day, and he quickly responded "Actually, my name is Zachary Millar!"

Actually, you are Zachary William flipping cute, gorgeous, bright, intelligent, loving, kind wee boy Millar! (Who says Mums are biased?)

Actually, one of the key thoughts that have impacted our parenting is the proverb "It takes a village to raise a child". I'd never really thought much about it until after we had Zac. I mentioned in my last blog about how I was studying when he was born, I had 8 weeks off, and then went back too it. The thought of putting Zac into Day care broke my heart. I couldn't bring myself to do it, he was so little and so vulnerable, and he'd been given to us to care for, so for me personally I just couldn't do it ... so Zachy joined our class as I trained to be an officer in The Salvation Army. (I will be forever grateful to the family orientated leaders and staff who supported us and enabled this to happen).

I think its fair to say not everyone in the class was on board with the idea to start with, however as the year went on Zac just became a part of the class and everyone began to take a role in caring for him. In our first days in class if i struggled to settle him, staff members would be more than happy to take him for a wee walk and cuddle while I sat in class. My Class mates would take their turns helping me out by feeding him (with the bottle, just to clear that up), cuddling him or changing the odd pooey nappy! Their help, their support, their investment into Zacs life kept me sane, so i could be the best mummy to him! I could not have studied and cared for him in that environment all by myself, Everyone became involved in Zacs growth and development.

It was around this time that I really began to understand the saying "It takes a village to raise a child". Zachy was cared for by us as his parents, but he had a village raising him, caring for him, influencing him ... our family extended to those doing the journey with us at BCM and those in our church family.

Of course this includes our own extended families, but because we live so far from them all :( the input of this wider family counted all the more!

 We set the boundaries, and we set the rules, and those around us helped us to enforce them. They helped to take the pressure off us, they supported and encouraged us ... I am so grateful for community. Once I had finished at BCM and we were appointed to our first corps in Upper Hutt (we are still there), I was up the front most weeks. Whenever I was up the front I entrusted the care of my child to someone else. (I picked who they were, and if they failed to enforce our boundaries and the rules we put in place, we didn't ask them to look after Zac again).

For example during church, once Zac started crawling the rule was that he could play on the floor, but he had to stay in a specific area. We got a mat and during church the mat was his boundary ... he wasn't allowed off it. I spent the first month of crawling Sundays down the back of church teaching him this new rule. He would crawl off, I would pick him up, put him back on the mat and tell him, "no moving off the mat during church" or "Stay on the mat". After a month, once i kicked back into 'up the front action' I simply told those looking after him on a Sunday morning he wasn't allowed off the mat and they enforced it. He tried to push the boundaries, but by having the same rules enforced by people who loved and cared for him, it solidified what I had already taught him. I think when we have others around who back us up and support what we have put in place it really helps to consolidate the importance of what we are teaching them.

So as a parent, I appreciate the influence others have on Zachy and Evy. I not only appreciate it, I welcome it ... there are just some things I can't offer and teach my kids, but others can. Brenton and I look to the support and encouragement of others to help us raise our children. We can't do it on our own!

I also realise the impact and influence I have in the lives of all the children around me, whether they be mine or not. Every child deserves love, care, affection, but not every child receives that. For me, every child who I have a relationship with, is in my village. My example to them of Jesus, the way I treat them and the love I show them will influence them in years to come. I've heard it said that every child needs 6-8 adults (other than their own parents) to take interest in them for them to grow into well-rounded stable adults. I look back on my own childhood and think of the many adults that influenced me positively. People i will be forever grateful for.

I also recognise the support I can give to other parents, last Sunday in church our kids shared about their experience at Supernova Kids camp. One single mum stood up and challenged the corps family by pleading with them ...  "Please take an interest in our kids, they need you, they need your support ... some of these are my kids, and I'm a single mum, I can't do this on my own, please take an interest".

In saying all of this ... actually ... all I'm saying is "It takes a village to raise a child".

Who are the children in your village needing your influence?
Who are the adults in your village who can influence your children?

Itsy Bitsy thoughts from SamMe

Routine, Routine, Routine

One of the most helpful things we have found in our parenting is Routine! From about 6 weeks old we started to establish a routine for Zac, and it made life so much easier! (I think the first 6 weeks with child number one is just hard anyway, regardless of parenting style, lack of sleep, the unknown, getting to know each other... it's a time of discovery) Anyway, we started establishing Zac in routine when he was 6 weeks old (once i felt like i had Breast feeding well established) the day started at 7am (or there abouts, no earlier) and he'd be fed 3 hourly which became 4 hourly when he was a bit bigger.

If he woke for a feed before 7, that would be fine, but it would be the night-time routine which was simply "Up, feed, change, feed - back to bed (we wouldn't make eye contact, talk or turn on the lights, i would simply hold and nurse him).

His day time up time routine was simple too, feed, play, and sleep again. Those first few days of establishing him in his routine were quite difficult and we spent a lot of time watching the clock and letting him cry ... but it only took 3 days and he'd adjusted to the routine we'd set, and seemed happier and settled for it.

Because I was studying at college and Brenton was working full time, Zacs routine was essential to my survival. I worked Zacs sleeps and feeds around my class schedule and he was able to come to class with me from 8 weeks old until i finished when he was 7 months. He would sleep in class most of the time when i wanted him too ... and it all just worked really well! It bacame the norm, he knew what to expect but we weren't so rigid that we didn't allow flexibility and he just became a really adaptable, easy going child. Even now when he is 3 he has a routine and he knows it!
7amish - up, breaky and play time (Educare on mondays and tues and thurs mornings)
12ish lunch
1ish - sleep
3-3.30ish up to play
5ish- bath
5.30ish tea
6.30ish when Evys in bed we play board games or read stories
7pmish - bed for the night.

I can count the number of times he has resisted his afternoon sleep on one hand, and again he's a flexible, easygoing, fun loving kid!

When Evy joined our family permanently on the 9th of May 2012 we continued to establish her in the routine we had instigated while she was in a temporary situation. It looked something like this:
7ish - up, breakfast, bottle, playtime
9.30 - sleep
11ish -up, play, lunch, play
1sh- sleep
2.30ish - up to play :)
5ish- bath
5.30ish tea
6ish bottle
6.30ish bed

(I say 1ish because usually it's within 15 mins of either side of the time.)

We've just in the last couple of weeks dropped Evys morning sleep and brought her afternoon one earlier, so she's down to 1 sleep a day and adjusting really well... we had a few pretty unsettled days, but she's come right now.

 Initially she struggled to sleep through the night ... understandable given all the change she had been through ... but it wasn't long and she was sleeping through, and instead of waking at 5am ... we persevered with the 'no one gets up before 7' rule and she now sleeps through till 7. When she's teething or unwell we have days where the routine goes totally out the window, and sleeping through the night is impossible but that's ok, that's just part and parcel with it and it's something I've come to expect ... some days we just have off days (and nights).

Brenton and I got back yesterday from 3 days away by ourselves ... we were able to write out the kids routines and the kids were as good as gold for the baby sitter. Even though we weren't there, the routine was the same and the babysitter had no problems whats-so-ever (other than having to put Zac in time out twice for pinching and pushing his sister). In fact i was a bit nervous they may play up for her and that Evy might not be so settled in the night ... but each morning they woke up at about 6.55am and her comment to me was "You've trained them well!"

I believe children thrive in routine (just from observation and what i have experienced work with our kids). One new mum recently told me that she didn't even try to put her daughter in a routine, but her baby naturally did it herself ... I think within 6 weeks and soon enough bubs was sleeping 8 hours in the night ... amazing, it's like it's a part of our inbuilt nature.

So anyway, those are some itsy bitsy thoughts on parenting.

P.S: I am not saying this is the one and only way to parent, this is what we've found helpful in our parenting journey so far ... just say'n!

Attachment Parenting ... Pfft!

HA! Got your attention with this posts title didn't I? I don't actually believe that AP is wrong... let me just clarify that now before I start getting hate mail! With Zac, we never really 'attachment parented' But with our newest addition we have taken some of the concepts from attachment parenting and implemented them.We adopted Evy just short of her first Birthday, so building attachment has been something we have worked really hard on and I've found the Attachment Parenting (AP) model really helpful. If this is a new idea for you, you can visit "What AP is"

Our experience and choice of parenting for Zac however has been quite different from AP one we've thought has been successful. The reason I've started thinking about it in the last week of so is after watching a segment on 60 minutes dedicated to AP (some parents weren't to fussed on the way this presented AP)
Before I had Zac a friend had started to base her parenting on the book Baby Wise (the link is a wikipedia link, not the best source i know, but it outlines what it is and also shows criticism against Baby Wise). Anyway, my friend, she had a cruisy baby who slept through early on, he was content and happy and so i decided it was worth reading the book. As I read it, it really resonated with me. It lined up with the kind of parenting i had observed as a teenager in a family whose children have grown into incredible young men and the kind of parenting we decided to imitate.  EVERY parent I've spoken to who have been 'baby wise parents' only had positive things to say. In fairness ... I've only had this conversation with about 11 mums ... it's not a full blown research project.

I am the mother of two wonderful, gorgeous children. I am incredibly blessed!

This is my story, and I am not implying it's the way all children should be raised, I'm not implying it's the only way ... it's the way we choose to do it, and our choice was made based on the way we had seen other children raised, and the kind of people they were/are becoming. (Our choice wasn't based so much on research ... i can be pretty scepticle of research and its credibility) In saying that, again, our parenting style has changed a little for Evy and we've taken on some AP concepts.

 My son is 3 now and a well behaved, smart, kind, empathetic, independent, loving little boy (I know, biased much?). (Just like to note at this point he never failed to thrive, suffered malnutrition and as yet has no hint of any emotional disorders) At 6 weeks old we started to establish a routine for Zac and by soon after Zachy learnt to self settle and was sleeping through the nights at 8 weeks old. He was super cruisy (once i got into the swing of things ... first child and all), super placid and extremely happy! His first night was the only night he slept in the same room with me (I slept in the lounge with Zac after a 12 hour home birth the night before), i found it stressful, couldn't sleep and jumped at his every move... from night 2 he was in his own room. When he would wake for feeds i would let him cry a bit ... so he could settle if it wasn't hunger or poos or pain, and if he continued i would go in and feed and change him. I would have the hallway light on limiting the light in his room and i wouldn't talk to him or make eye contact. I would simply hold and nurse him and put him back to bed. He very quickly learnt the difference between night and day and was sleeping through before long.
When I would put him down for day sleeps in the early days he would often sleep in the moses basket in the lounge. I would put him down, and let him cry. 10 minutes was my cap, if he was still crying at 10 minutes then i would come and soothe him and we'd try again ... more often than not, he'd be asleep before 10 minutes. Yup, I'm a parent who watches the clock! We set his sleep times and set a routine for him to work around us.

Understandably if a child is left to cry for hours on end, of course that will be detrimental, but i don't believe crying is harmful for children ... in fact, i actually quite like a good cry myself! The interesting thing we found is that once Zac was well established in his routine (set by us)... he stopped crying ... he just didn't cry (unless he'd hurt himself) because he didn't need to. He came to realise that sleep, eating, bathing, playing all happened, and he just cruised through it all. He would wake up, chat away in his cot ... knowing we would be there to pick him up when it was time. We didn't have to respond so quickly that he didn't cry, he just didn't cry because he was secure and knew his needs would be met, we put this down to routine ... he certainly had off days and we would just go with it on these days but mostly he was up and feeding at 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm and again at 11pm by 8 weeks he was going through to 7am and not long after that dropped the 11pm feed. Obviously as he got older and his needs changed, we changed his routine ... but it has been a sweeeeet ride!!!

One of the interesting things I've read in research is that letting a baby cry can result in brain damage ... well Zachy is certainly not that, he was counting to 12 and singing his ABC's well before he was 2.

I also note that the particular family we have chosen to model our parenting from have 5 boys who all excel in certain areas, musically, academically and physically. They are teens and adults now and incredibly well adjusted! No sign of brain damage what-so-ever! Sometimes I read research and I'm sceptical because what the research says really doesn't match up to my own experience or my own observations.

As I've been writing today's post, I've thought of a number of ideas/thoughts/observations we have based our parenting on and i think each one probably deserves a post of it's own so over the next week or two I will blog sharing our story, our own evolving model of parenting. It's probably a mix of all kinds of parenting styles, but one we have found super successful when we look at our kids. It includes: Routine, Routine Routine, Rules and Boundaries, It takes a village to raise a child and fun & play. I'm sure I'll probably discover more as i go. I am no professional, I'm not trying to be, I only have 2 children and they are still young (plenty more time for me to make more mistakes)... I'm just wanting to share our story and what has worked for us over the last 3 years ... take it or leave it, with the whole AP 'movement' (I don't know if that's the right thing to call it) I've sometimes felt like maybe I've done the wrong thing with Zac, and caused him more harm then good, but then i look at him and realise that so far ... he's turned out great.

All in all, if we were to have another baby ... we'd be definitely be leaning towards the controversial Baby Wise again.
What have you found has really worked for you in your parenting?
Is there any ones parenting style you observed before you had kids you wanted to imitate in your own parenting?
Share with me in the comments section below!

Some simple itsy bitsy thoughts from SamMe.

P.S: The dolls house is really coming along nicely ... almost finished the interior ... I just have to find some kind of carpet and then the work on the exterior will begin. I'm having SO much!!!

The inside so far ... bit of paint and wall paper to brighten it up

The outside all prepped and ready to paint

A tribute to Glad

I've been sewing! Whipped up these mean little nap mats for the kiddliwinks ...



Zachy chillin out on his new Thomas Nap Mat



They were sooo easy, thanks pinterest for the inspiration! All i did was zig zag sew 5 pillows together, pop some pillows in and voila, a handy dandy nap mat! Well, they would have been easy ... if my 1st attempt hadn't had me persevering for four hours solid (not even kidding, and NOT exaggerating in the slightest)! I was so determined to do this for the kids one Saturday in time for family movie night, that every time the cotton broke (which was about every 10 seconds) i just tried again. After 4 hours when i was only a quarter of the way through sewing my 2nd and 3rd pillow together, I finally gave up. I decided the sewing machine needed a service, so took it to the shop and when they quoted $130 to have it serviced, i brought some oil instead and took it home and gave it a good clean and oil. That seemed to do the trick actually, (oh and Brenton's mum had a good look at it for me, changed a few settings) and now its working wonderfully. Which is quite fabulous really, since it was brought in 1985 by my Nana!

It was quite incredible actually, as i used the machine i have inherited from my Nana, Gladys Catherine Wilson, a truckload of memories started flooding back. Memories of staying in Napier during the school holidays as a kid, and going to sleep with the sound of the sewing machine whirring away in the lounge. I remembered times when i was sleeping in the same room as the machine, and sometimes in the middle of the night i would wake up, the bedroom light would be on and Nana would be sewing away. Nana was so creative, she was always making something. Dolls, teddy bears, you name it, she could make it, and she would be up to the early early hours of the morning doing it! I remember waking up in the middle of the night, walking out to the lounge, it would be 2am, and Nana would be making ... but she would see me, put down what she was doing, open her arms and wrap me up with a big cuddle. I remember 5am starts on a Saturday and Sunday morning, to head down to Marine Parade where she would set up her stall and sell all her marvellous creations. When Zac was born she made him a beautiful little teddy bear, this was the last of her creations we were given, it sits with pride of place on a shelf in his room. What I've realised as I've started creating lately ... is that I've inherited my Nana's creativity, and even though i miss her like crazy, when I'm sewing on her old machine, or making something, I'm reminded of her, and i feel close to her again.

Using what has become one of my most treasured possessions - the 1985 sewing machine inherited from my Nana.

I'm so grateful for these memories, because since Nana has died the memories most vivid have been the ones of her body wasting away and her struggling to breath as she fought a long and hard battle against cancer. She was a fighter, a woman who showed a strength i haven't seen in many people, a woman who desired a united family, a woman who loved us with everything she had, a woman who taught me to put vicks on my children's back, chest and FEET when they have a cold (cos that's what she did for me), a woman who made me promise to teach my son to be good to women, a woman who I admire and respect, a woman who influenced me to be the person I am today.

My Nana holding Zachy at his dedication in 2009.

I'm thankful to be reminded of the good memories I have of my Nana, and the influence she's had in my life. Who are the people who have had the most influence in your life? What memories do you have of them? I think it's essential to remember those who have gone before us, what they've taught us and what we can pass on to our own children and the generations to come.

Some not so itsy bitsy thoughts from me.

Sand Away...

Well, Evy's dolls house is currently looking worse than when i started! I'm beginning to think this was the worst idea EVER... well maybe just the sanding was the worst idea ever ... this dolls house has been painted a number of times, so getting rid of the paint is proving to be a bigger job than i thought!

The other day in a small group, we were asked what came to mind when we thought of potential, some of the others thought of new creations, but i thought of the dolls house. This dolls house was created for a purpose, to bring joy to a little girl or boy somewhere, who I'm sure absolutely loved it. But somewhere along the way it got a bit battered then it got a new paint job to cover up the dents and nicks, then it got used and battered a bit more, and so some more paint was popped on to make it look as good as new again. Then it got battered and broken all over again until it found it's way to our family store.

When i saw it on that dark, rainy, windy night, i saw its potential, potential to be again what it was originally created for ... to bring joy to a little girl or boy. When i think of potential i think restoration, I think about a dolls house being restored to its original purpose. But it goes even further ... yes the dolls house will be restored, but i want it to be even better than it was, i want it to be the best it can possibly be for Evy (and for Zachy, i know he'll love it too!)

I can't help but relate the dolls house to me, to us humans, we were created for a purpose, to bring Joy to God, to love him and love others. Sin stops us from fulfilling that original purpose, but God who is in the business of restoration wants to get us back to that original state through his son Jesus ... and it's totally possible. Throughout life we've sometime given ourselves a new paint job, covering up the dents and nicks and chips ... the thing is to be fully restored we can't just keep painting over the top. We've gotta get to the bottom and get it sorted, well actually, we have to let God get to the bottom, we've got to let him do some sanding.

What I've realised this week is that sanding isn't easy, it takes time, it's a process ... so is restoration ... but i want to reach my potential in life, fulfil the purpose i was created for ... so I say "Sand Away Lord!"

Just some simple 'itsy bitsy' thoughts from Me!

I'd love to hear about any of your own projects ... Have you ever restored anything? What was it? What were the challenges and joys of the restoration process?

A glimpse of potential...

Over the past week, I've been busy caring for my two little poppets who've both had ear infections! I took Zachy to the Dr on Sunday, and the following day took Evy. Because I couldn't get her an appointment during the day i had to take her to the after hours. By the time we came out (after at least an hour) it was dark and pouring with rain ... i mean pouring ... those REALLY fat heavy raindrops where you need your wipers on super speed! I piled Evy into the car, buckled her up and jumped in. As we headed out of the car park i drove past the back of our family store (which backs onto the Dr's) and that's when i caught a glimpse!

3 seconds ... that's all it took! As i drove past the family store my eyes caught sight of this beautiful dolls house, it was sitting in the rain, in the cold, on a dark night, it had no roof, and it was sitting beside the skip bin ... you know what that means! It was on its way out! At first glance i thought ... "ooh, it'd be cool to do something with that!" All i could see was potential ... what could be.

As i curled up into bed that night ... I started to think about the dolls house, and colour schemes, and how i could fix it up ... sand it back, give it a new paint job, get some wood, cut out a roof, nail it on, and wham, bam, a dolls house Sam! I'm sure i spent at least 2 hours dreaming about how amazing i could make it, and how much fun Evy would have when she finally gets it in her hot little hands.

So the next day i went back to the family store and asked what the plan was for the dolls house, and they were going to throw it out, It certainly wasn't as beautiful as I'd thought ... but for a koha i piled it into the car ... well squeezed it in ... it took up the whole boot (and i didn't actually squeeze it in, one of the staff did) ... it was much bigger than I'd thought on the cold, dark, rainy night! Bonus was though ... that it did have a roof, just not attached.

So, here's my first little DIY project!

It's going to be a slow progression i think, but I'm looking forward to it. I didn't realise how much work it is going to be until i started to clean it  ... as i cleaned i thought "how am i going to do this?" "I wonder if I'll actually finish this" ... i have a tendency to start things and not finish them ... like books, i hardly EVER finish books!
So here begins the Dolls House project. I'm thinking pink, and pretty! (I've popped some ideas on my kiddliwinks pinterest board) here's hoping I'll see it through to completion ... in a reasonable time frame ... time will tell!

Itsy Bitsy :)

P.S: I've discovered spell check!

In the beginning ...

HA! So this is actually a wee bit funny! Never in a million billion years did i think i'd ever start a blog until recently when it came up as a suggestion in my officer review for 'professional development' and thought it was something worth giving a go. 

So ... i started thinking about what i could blog about. I was thinking something deep and profound, that would have the multitudes following me ... mind blank ... couldn't think of anything! Then I thought ... "i'll just start with a name" and came up with ridiculous things like: "connect, create, catastrophe", "wham, bam, thankyou sam" and "risks, change, roulette".  Eventually i started one and settled on the name "Danger Mouse and the Road Less Travelled." (Well i thought i started one, spent about 2 flippin hours designing and playing around with a blog and went back to find it today, turns out I didn't even have an account.) The blog was going to be about taking risks, living on the edge (danger mouse), transformation of mind, body and spirit and being a revolutionary reformer of society (road less travelled). Sound Profound? Meh!

Then last night i discovered pinterest ... and all these exciting, fun, crafty things to do. As I looked at pictures of recycled bits and bobs the creative juices started flowing. I joined up and started my own pin boards, and already it's become what i've called my "P addiction". There's so many things i want to give a go, and tonight i started. I'd seen a weekly planner made out of a photo frame and scraps of paper, so tonight i thought i'd give it a whirl shirl!

It was so simple, and it's going to look GREAT in my new office space. All i need now is a decent whiteboard marker and I'll be set!

Then I thought "My children have both had birthdays in the last 3 weeks, we have an excess of envelopes at the moment!" I'd seen a bag that can be made from an old envelope. BRILLIANT! Had a go at that too, and am planning on giving a demo of it for the next home league I do. (Home League is a group for older women in our community). Honestly ... for someone who isn't overly excitable about womens ministries ... i got quite excited about this!

After creating these 'masterpieces' i thought what better way to begin a blog than with creation ... after all, "In the beginning God created..."

So ... this is my blog, it's going to be itsy bitsy with creative ideas and experiments, hopefully out of the box thinking for 'womens ministries' (I'm cringing at that, not sure i even wanna go there ... but now i have!) at times this blog will probably have something to do with danger, risk taking, and change ... itsy bitsy ... it'll be what it'll be.

SamMe

P.S: sorry for the spelling and grammar ... it won't get any better!