I wrote a book this week ...

Well, I can tick "Write a book" off my bucket list. Haha, not really! 

One of the things that was really emphasised when Brenton and I did training through Child, Youth and Family while preparing to adopt Evy was the importance of creating a life book.

A life book is a book written for an adopted child with the intention of sharing the child's story with them. It is a honest look at their life from the beginning. Generally it starts with their birth, talks about their birth parents, tells them they are adopted and how that came about. I've read that adopted children can imagine all sorts of ideas about their birth parents from a young age, (for example; their parents died in a car accident, their real mum is a princess in a far away kingdom, their real Dad is coming back one day to look after them) so keeping it open, honest and real with a life book helps the child to understand the reality of their situation.

Because Evy's is an open adoption, she will grow up knowing that she is adopted and she will know and be involved with her birth family. To help her understand her story we wrote a life book for her. We didn't call it a life book as such, instead we've simply said "This is a story all about Evy."



It just arrived a couple of days ago and we plan on giving it to her for her second birthday present. We didn't start with Evy's birth like is often suggested but wanted to start with who she is and what she likes. We move into the deeper stuff a little bit more into the book. It's not too deep but will definately get some conversations happening when she's a bit older.

The biggest thing that we want Evy to know is that she is planned, loved and wanted. We don't ever want her believing she was a mistake, unwanted, abondoned or rejected because nothing could be further from the truth. This is a major emphasis in her story. She was planned by God, to be a part of our family. She is loved by us, and she is loved by her 'tummy mummy'.

I can't wait to read it to her for the first time. I'm sure it will be one of those books we read time and time again, and something that she will treasure for life.

Writing the life book was also a really therapeutic exercise for me. As I wrote her story and thought about how we'd tell her about her adoption, I battled with thoughts reminding me she's not biologically mine. What I came to realise through the book is that she is my daughter in every other way now, and that's what really counts. The process was challenging, satisfying, time consuming but so far really rewarding.

Just some more itsy bitsy thoughts from SamMe :)

Meet Evy's Birth Mum

Brenton and I have been blessed with an incredible, beautiful daughter through an open adoption. It’s approaching one year since Rebecca, Evy's birth mum asked us if we would consider adopting. Rebecca is a brave, sacrificial, loving young woman who adores Evy. This is her story:

My name is Rebecca and I am writing this piece in Sammy’s blog to share my story of how I came to the decision to place my beautiful daughter Evelynn for adoption with Sammy and Brenton.

I was raised in a Christian household and my parents, like Sammy and Brenton, are Salvation Army Officers. In my teenage years I went through some major struggles and ended up pregnant at 15 with my first daughter. When I was 18 I found out I was pregnant with Evy. I was honestly panicked. I was already a solo mum to a wonderful little girl and, having a second baby, I knew would put a strain on me and her emotionally and financially.

I seriously considered abortion, even though I don’t believe in it, but since I was going to be doing it alone again it seemed like my only option. It wasn’t a good time in my life at all but then I started looking into adoption and what it all meant. I started the process and had looked into birth parents, but then at 20 weeks I decided that I couldn't do it and that I wanted my baby.

Our family was then moved down to Wellington for my parents' work and I decided to start over. That’s when I met Sammy and Brenton; they were officers at the church we started going to. They were wonderful, kind and loving people. Sammy especially helped me during my pregnancy, was at my baby shower, and we grew a close friendship.



On Tuesday 31^st May 2011 at 8:20am, weighing 8lb 6oz, I gave birth to my amazing beautiful little girl, Evelynn Jade. She was perfect and I loved her to pieces.



Evy with her birth mum, Rebecca



Life was great for the next 8 months, until I started seeing someone. He was very manipulative, controlling and made me feel very low about myself. I also believe I experienced some form of postnatal depression (as I had previously had it with my oldest daughter.) Something in me changed and my whole life started to spin out of control. So I decided that the best thing to do was to make the best life I could for my children.

I approached Sammy in the final week of January 2012 and asked her if they would consider adopting Evelynn. I had no idea that they had already started the process of adoption and I truly believe God had this perfectly planned out and protected everyone involved.

On March 16^th 2012 I signed my legal rights away as Evelynn’s mum and the legal process began. It was a long, drawn out and emotional process that took its toll on me physically, emotionally and mentally. It hurt more than anything I had ever been through but I know that it was the best decision I will ever make! Evelynn is with a safe, loving and incredible family. She will have the amazing Christian upbringing that I always wanted her to have, just like the one I had.

I still see Evelynn most weeks and get to babysit her. She still knows me really well, she calls my parents grandma and granddad and she still has an amazing bond with my other daughter. She has gained a whole new family while still keeping her original one and I am so blessed for Sammy and Brenton doing this amazing thing for me. We are now all like one big family and the bond and relationships built through this I believe will never fade or falter because God is in the center of it all!

Rebecca xx