Routine, Routine, Routine

One of the most helpful things we have found in our parenting is Routine! From about 6 weeks old we started to establish a routine for Zac, and it made life so much easier! (I think the first 6 weeks with child number one is just hard anyway, regardless of parenting style, lack of sleep, the unknown, getting to know each other... it's a time of discovery) Anyway, we started establishing Zac in routine when he was 6 weeks old (once i felt like i had Breast feeding well established) the day started at 7am (or there abouts, no earlier) and he'd be fed 3 hourly which became 4 hourly when he was a bit bigger.

If he woke for a feed before 7, that would be fine, but it would be the night-time routine which was simply "Up, feed, change, feed - back to bed (we wouldn't make eye contact, talk or turn on the lights, i would simply hold and nurse him).

His day time up time routine was simple too, feed, play, and sleep again. Those first few days of establishing him in his routine were quite difficult and we spent a lot of time watching the clock and letting him cry ... but it only took 3 days and he'd adjusted to the routine we'd set, and seemed happier and settled for it.

Because I was studying at college and Brenton was working full time, Zacs routine was essential to my survival. I worked Zacs sleeps and feeds around my class schedule and he was able to come to class with me from 8 weeks old until i finished when he was 7 months. He would sleep in class most of the time when i wanted him too ... and it all just worked really well! It bacame the norm, he knew what to expect but we weren't so rigid that we didn't allow flexibility and he just became a really adaptable, easy going child. Even now when he is 3 he has a routine and he knows it!
7amish - up, breaky and play time (Educare on mondays and tues and thurs mornings)
12ish lunch
1ish - sleep
3-3.30ish up to play
5ish- bath
5.30ish tea
6.30ish when Evys in bed we play board games or read stories
7pmish - bed for the night.

I can count the number of times he has resisted his afternoon sleep on one hand, and again he's a flexible, easygoing, fun loving kid!

When Evy joined our family permanently on the 9th of May 2012 we continued to establish her in the routine we had instigated while she was in a temporary situation. It looked something like this:
7ish - up, breakfast, bottle, playtime
9.30 - sleep
11ish -up, play, lunch, play
1sh- sleep
2.30ish - up to play :)
5ish- bath
5.30ish tea
6ish bottle
6.30ish bed

(I say 1ish because usually it's within 15 mins of either side of the time.)

We've just in the last couple of weeks dropped Evys morning sleep and brought her afternoon one earlier, so she's down to 1 sleep a day and adjusting really well... we had a few pretty unsettled days, but she's come right now.

 Initially she struggled to sleep through the night ... understandable given all the change she had been through ... but it wasn't long and she was sleeping through, and instead of waking at 5am ... we persevered with the 'no one gets up before 7' rule and she now sleeps through till 7. When she's teething or unwell we have days where the routine goes totally out the window, and sleeping through the night is impossible but that's ok, that's just part and parcel with it and it's something I've come to expect ... some days we just have off days (and nights).

Brenton and I got back yesterday from 3 days away by ourselves ... we were able to write out the kids routines and the kids were as good as gold for the baby sitter. Even though we weren't there, the routine was the same and the babysitter had no problems whats-so-ever (other than having to put Zac in time out twice for pinching and pushing his sister). In fact i was a bit nervous they may play up for her and that Evy might not be so settled in the night ... but each morning they woke up at about 6.55am and her comment to me was "You've trained them well!"

I believe children thrive in routine (just from observation and what i have experienced work with our kids). One new mum recently told me that she didn't even try to put her daughter in a routine, but her baby naturally did it herself ... I think within 6 weeks and soon enough bubs was sleeping 8 hours in the night ... amazing, it's like it's a part of our inbuilt nature.

So anyway, those are some itsy bitsy thoughts on parenting.

P.S: I am not saying this is the one and only way to parent, this is what we've found helpful in our parenting journey so far ... just say'n!

Attachment Parenting ... Pfft!

HA! Got your attention with this posts title didn't I? I don't actually believe that AP is wrong... let me just clarify that now before I start getting hate mail! With Zac, we never really 'attachment parented' But with our newest addition we have taken some of the concepts from attachment parenting and implemented them.We adopted Evy just short of her first Birthday, so building attachment has been something we have worked really hard on and I've found the Attachment Parenting (AP) model really helpful. If this is a new idea for you, you can visit "What AP is"

Our experience and choice of parenting for Zac however has been quite different from AP one we've thought has been successful. The reason I've started thinking about it in the last week of so is after watching a segment on 60 minutes dedicated to AP (some parents weren't to fussed on the way this presented AP)
Before I had Zac a friend had started to base her parenting on the book Baby Wise (the link is a wikipedia link, not the best source i know, but it outlines what it is and also shows criticism against Baby Wise). Anyway, my friend, she had a cruisy baby who slept through early on, he was content and happy and so i decided it was worth reading the book. As I read it, it really resonated with me. It lined up with the kind of parenting i had observed as a teenager in a family whose children have grown into incredible young men and the kind of parenting we decided to imitate.  EVERY parent I've spoken to who have been 'baby wise parents' only had positive things to say. In fairness ... I've only had this conversation with about 11 mums ... it's not a full blown research project.

I am the mother of two wonderful, gorgeous children. I am incredibly blessed!

This is my story, and I am not implying it's the way all children should be raised, I'm not implying it's the only way ... it's the way we choose to do it, and our choice was made based on the way we had seen other children raised, and the kind of people they were/are becoming. (Our choice wasn't based so much on research ... i can be pretty scepticle of research and its credibility) In saying that, again, our parenting style has changed a little for Evy and we've taken on some AP concepts.

 My son is 3 now and a well behaved, smart, kind, empathetic, independent, loving little boy (I know, biased much?). (Just like to note at this point he never failed to thrive, suffered malnutrition and as yet has no hint of any emotional disorders) At 6 weeks old we started to establish a routine for Zac and by soon after Zachy learnt to self settle and was sleeping through the nights at 8 weeks old. He was super cruisy (once i got into the swing of things ... first child and all), super placid and extremely happy! His first night was the only night he slept in the same room with me (I slept in the lounge with Zac after a 12 hour home birth the night before), i found it stressful, couldn't sleep and jumped at his every move... from night 2 he was in his own room. When he would wake for feeds i would let him cry a bit ... so he could settle if it wasn't hunger or poos or pain, and if he continued i would go in and feed and change him. I would have the hallway light on limiting the light in his room and i wouldn't talk to him or make eye contact. I would simply hold and nurse him and put him back to bed. He very quickly learnt the difference between night and day and was sleeping through before long.
When I would put him down for day sleeps in the early days he would often sleep in the moses basket in the lounge. I would put him down, and let him cry. 10 minutes was my cap, if he was still crying at 10 minutes then i would come and soothe him and we'd try again ... more often than not, he'd be asleep before 10 minutes. Yup, I'm a parent who watches the clock! We set his sleep times and set a routine for him to work around us.

Understandably if a child is left to cry for hours on end, of course that will be detrimental, but i don't believe crying is harmful for children ... in fact, i actually quite like a good cry myself! The interesting thing we found is that once Zac was well established in his routine (set by us)... he stopped crying ... he just didn't cry (unless he'd hurt himself) because he didn't need to. He came to realise that sleep, eating, bathing, playing all happened, and he just cruised through it all. He would wake up, chat away in his cot ... knowing we would be there to pick him up when it was time. We didn't have to respond so quickly that he didn't cry, he just didn't cry because he was secure and knew his needs would be met, we put this down to routine ... he certainly had off days and we would just go with it on these days but mostly he was up and feeding at 7am, 11am, 3pm, 7pm and again at 11pm by 8 weeks he was going through to 7am and not long after that dropped the 11pm feed. Obviously as he got older and his needs changed, we changed his routine ... but it has been a sweeeeet ride!!!

One of the interesting things I've read in research is that letting a baby cry can result in brain damage ... well Zachy is certainly not that, he was counting to 12 and singing his ABC's well before he was 2.

I also note that the particular family we have chosen to model our parenting from have 5 boys who all excel in certain areas, musically, academically and physically. They are teens and adults now and incredibly well adjusted! No sign of brain damage what-so-ever! Sometimes I read research and I'm sceptical because what the research says really doesn't match up to my own experience or my own observations.

As I've been writing today's post, I've thought of a number of ideas/thoughts/observations we have based our parenting on and i think each one probably deserves a post of it's own so over the next week or two I will blog sharing our story, our own evolving model of parenting. It's probably a mix of all kinds of parenting styles, but one we have found super successful when we look at our kids. It includes: Routine, Routine Routine, Rules and Boundaries, It takes a village to raise a child and fun & play. I'm sure I'll probably discover more as i go. I am no professional, I'm not trying to be, I only have 2 children and they are still young (plenty more time for me to make more mistakes)... I'm just wanting to share our story and what has worked for us over the last 3 years ... take it or leave it, with the whole AP 'movement' (I don't know if that's the right thing to call it) I've sometimes felt like maybe I've done the wrong thing with Zac, and caused him more harm then good, but then i look at him and realise that so far ... he's turned out great.

All in all, if we were to have another baby ... we'd be definitely be leaning towards the controversial Baby Wise again.
What have you found has really worked for you in your parenting?
Is there any ones parenting style you observed before you had kids you wanted to imitate in your own parenting?
Share with me in the comments section below!

Some simple itsy bitsy thoughts from SamMe.

P.S: The dolls house is really coming along nicely ... almost finished the interior ... I just have to find some kind of carpet and then the work on the exterior will begin. I'm having SO much!!!

The inside so far ... bit of paint and wall paper to brighten it up

The outside all prepped and ready to paint