Being Church Messy Styles - The GodFather

Brenton and I are privileged to be Salvation Army Officers. Basically this means we are ministers/pastors/leaders of the Upper Hutt Salvation Army and we oversight the Salvation Army community ministries (a branch of the army's social services) in Upper Hutt. There's never a dull moment! In March this year our Churches building caught fire due to an electrical fault in an extractor fan in our food bank. We received a call at 11.30pm alerting us, and by the time we got there, there were 7 appliances at the scene, and a butt load of smoke!

Needless to say, church on Sunday wouldn't be happening in that building. Thankfully, we are just around the corner from The Salvation Army's Booth College of Mission (where people train to become Salvation Army officers), and they very kindly let their home become ours for a good 6 months! LEGENDS!

Because we've been without a permanent 'home' since the fire, we've had the opportunity to experiment a little bit with church (So exciting, I can't resist letting out a little squeal of delight!) On the first Sunday of each month we've held church at a community centre in Timberlea. Church has looked different at Timberlea, and takes a 'Messy Church' approach. The first Sunday we did this we had REAL - LIVE - DONKEYS (poohs, eey oores and all!) , it was Palm Sunday and helped to give us a picture of what it would have been like for Jesus riding into Jerusalem that day.

Zachy feeds a donkey at Messy Church on Palm Sunday

Generally Messy church goes like this:
   The morning starts with family friendly activities (by family I mean from the youngest person you can think of, through to the oldest) for about 30 minutes (the activities introduce the theme for the day and are connected to the sermon).
   We then come together and sing some songs to Praise God, and then have a short teach time (we aim for a message no longer than 7 minutes, we like to share the word in bite size chunks to make it easy for people to chew on and digest)
   We eat together (actual physical food as opposed to Gods Word ... Word yo!) - we usually have a sausage sizzle.

My favourite Messy Church so far, has to have been Fathers Day. We decided to celebrate men and their masculinity. We started with some stereotypical manly activities ... arm wrestles, tug-o-war, shooting targets (with nerf guns ... safety first). We had the opportunity to make moustaches, we practised shaving ... by shaving shaving cream off balloons, and for the crafty ... we could make Father Day Cards.

The real crowd pleaser though ... was the Harley Davidson Rides. I'd approached the Wellington Hog Club and asked if maybe 4 or 5 people could bring their Harleys down to give people rides. Well, they arrived in full force with about 12 bikes! The noise alone attracted a number of people from the community. People faces were ecstatic on return from a ride around the block, adrenaline was pumping and the buzz was beyond words! Some of the kids had 4 or 5 rides on different bikes and it was an experience they won't forget anytime soon!

After about 40 minutes we packed up the activity stations and set up for the teach time.  We always start with a celebration time where people can come and share whats happened for them in the last month. A definite highlight was one woman from the community coming up and celebrating her children, just because she could! She later said to me she'd like us to dedicate her children. We sung some songs and then had the message. We heard about the love of our Father God, his strength, dedication and commitment to us, which is always good to hear when so many people grow up without Fathers around these days.

After the teach time we headed outside for BBQ bacon, hash browns and sausages (Nom, Nom, Nom). This is always a key part of the morning because it's where we connect with people, develop relationships and where we have the chance to really do life together.

Some of the main things we've learnt about Messy church are:

• Have an outside activity - It draws people down
• Be committed to the community - We've been in Timberlea for 3 years now (it started with weekend events once a year, then became free monthly Sausage Sizzles and is now monthly Messy Church.)
• Keep the teach times short - Many of the people we have come just need small amounts of teaching to chew on, much of it is new to them
• Be intentional about connecting with people - we are still working on this one
• Saturate the whole thing in prayer - without the Holy Spirit moving it's just an event.

In October we are hoping to do something a little different again ... thinking outside the box ... we don't want to be restricted by falling into a routine ... same old, same old ... YAWN! God doesn't fit in a box, I don't think His Church should either. We want to be innovative and creative when it comes to fulfilling Christ commission to "make disciples of all nations" (Matthew 28:19) . After all, He is The Master when is comes to Creating! Anyway, I could go on but I wont. I'll let you know how it goes some other time.

Itsy Bitsy SamMe

Jumping in Puddles, Poohs, Wees, Toilet Paper, and Bibs

 

There's something to be said about the simplicity and joy in the life of a toddler. My kids have reminded me and taught me that time and time again.

Our kiddlywinks jumping in puddles during our recent holiday in Taupo

I remember taking Zac to the park last year sometime ... he was probably 2 at the time. As soon as he got out of the car, he bee-lined for the nearest puddle ... I ran and grabbed him just before he got there! I swooped him up, and said "No Zachy, you'll get all wet if you jump in the puddle." We ventured to the park and played on the swings, slides ... well actually I watched him play. As I sat there I thought about how quick I was to pull him out of the puddle, and I began to question why I'd done it. What's wrong with jumping in puddles, who cares if we get wet, we can always go home and change later. He was absolutely loving climbing and sliding, he was giggling away and I just thought ... JOY! He is full of Joy. That's what his life consists of, and sometimes I get so busy, and am in a constant rush, I don't stop to jump in the puddles. At that moment, I called Zac over and we made our way back to that first delightful puddle that enticed him when we first arrived. And we jumped in it! It was fun. We got wet. We laughed. We splashed each other. We got muddy. It was exciting. It was delightful. It was joyful.



Then I looked across the park and saw a field full of trees and fallen autumn leaves. It was like I was a child again and they were calling me to go and play, so we did. We threw leaves at each other. We threw them in the air and danced under them. We ran and chased. We kicked them. We played.

I love how it's in a child's nature to gravitate to the things that bring joy. Often I'm quick to pull them back, but a lot of the time, I actually just need to let them be, and more often than not, I need to join them! I don't want to squash my children's joy, I want them to embrace it and grow in it.

There is so much research on the positive effects of play for children, it enhances brain development and helps them make sense of the world, and it's great for bonding and building our own relationship with them. I believe play goes much deeper and is good for their soul.

Some of the things we like to do with the kids are:

• Make indoor obstacle courses with furniture (so much fun on a rainy day)
• Grab ALL the pillows and cushions in the house, pile them up in the lounge and make a mountain, we climb the mountain, wrestle and jump all over it.

Zachy and his best buddy climbing Pillow Mountain

• Build indoor slides (with our coffee table)
• Build forts with blankets
• Rough and tumble on the floor (which almost always ends in tears when it's with Daddy)
• We encourage imagination by making up stories together, we give Zachy 3 things to make up a story about (Eg: tell us a story about a pink elephant, 10 balloons, and Elmo). Some of the things he comes up with are hilarious.
• Baking, play dough, finger painting etc.

Fridays are our day off, and we've renamed them Funday. Because we work during the week and during the weekend, we guard our day off and treasure the dedicated time with our kids. We always try to get out and about. Today was a beautiful day, so we drove into Wellington and hired a croc-o-cycle.

Riding a Crocodile on Funday!

We picnic'd together and played at a park. Sometimes we go swimming, other times we go to junglerama, some days we just veg out, play games and watch DVDs but Fridays are always Fundays. In fact last week, Brenton got Zac up, and the first thing Zac said was "Yay! It's our day off!"


Even now, with the kids tucked up in bed Brenton and I are having a giggle. Yesterday Zac had been to the toilet, and came into me and the conversation went a little like this:
Z: Mummy, I put my thing in the toilet (with a massive grin on his face)
M: Your what? Your wees?
Z: No, my ... ummm, my... ummm, ahhhh, my
M: What Zachy? What did you put in the toilet?
Z: My, ahhh, shape?
M: Your shape? Whats your shape?
I walked into the toilet to see what he was talking about, and the toilet bowl was empty
M:Zachy, did you put something in the toilet and flush?
Z: Yeeeaaaah (Nodding proudly)
As we were walking back into the lounge I kept asking what it was, and he couldn't tell me. Eventually he walked over and pointed to the draw we keep the bibs in
Z: I got it out of there!
M: A bib? did you flush a bib?
Z: Yeah ... I did (still grinning)
M: Zachy, we don't flush bibs, the toilet might stop working. (I was trying unsuccessfully not to laugh.)

I forgot to tell Brenton this story. Tonight Brenton had a conversation with Zac, while he waited for Zac to do wees on the toilet before bed. Their conversation went a bit like this.
B: You doin OK?
Z: Yep. I put my bib in the toilet
B: No you didn't, you've still got it around your neck.
Z: Yes I did
B: Do you mean the downstairs toilet?
Z: Yes, and it's gone!
B: Ohhh Zachy! Zachy, only three things go in the toilet: Poohs, wees and toilet paper. Do you understand?
Z: Yup (very thoughtfully, sitting on the toilet he started to count with his fingers) Poohs, Wees, Toilet paper. (A few moments of silence, and he shows all his fingers) AND BIBS!

The kid has comic timing, he is full of joy and brings us joy! Our children's play and experimentation
 helps them understand the world, helps their brain develop. Some of the greatest life lessons I have learnt, have been from my children in the last 3 years! As a parent, I see my role as one of nurturing, loving, providing, guiding and teaching (to name a few). But I don't see my 'teaching' role as a one way street! My kids have so much to teach me, if I'm open and willing to learn from them, and I am.

What funny things have your kids done, that you've HAD to laugh about?
How do you play with your kids? What do you do to keep life fun for them?
What's the greatest lesson you've learnt from your kids?
Share your ideas and thoughts in the comments below, I'd love some new things to try with our kids.

My final Itsy Bitsy thoughts on parenting. (For a while anyway) 

Rules are made to be broken ... right?

"Rules are made to be broken!" Those are the words that I heard my mother told my son at a birthday party we were at a couple of months ago. (Sigh). I'm pretty sure if anyone had said the same thing to me when I was Zacs age, she wouldn't have been  to thrilled about it ... but somewhere in the transition of parent to grandparent, she's softened ... a LOT! I think in context we had told Zac no more chippies before lunch, or no more lollies or you will feel sick, and she couldn't resist his cute little pleading face and gave him whatever it was he was asking for. The thing is, there was a reason we set the rule we set. To protect Zac from a sore tummy later, to protect ourselves from a 3 year old bouncing off the walls, to make sure Zac had enough room for some healthy nourishing food a bit later, it wasn't just to deny him the right to something he enjoyed. Thankfully there were other friends around who knew the rules and then moved the lollies or chips so Zac wouldn't ask his Nana again : )

We have rules in our family because we want to teach/guide/lead our children to become thoughtful, caring, loving, law abiding adults. Rules like "No hitting" and "Speaking to each other with kind words" and there are consequences if we break the rules (we use time out for these kind of things, 1 minute per year of life). It's time for them to sit by themselves and just reflect on their behaviour, it's worked well so far.

We also want to teach our children about self discipline, so we have intentionally not moved some things up higher that we don't want them touching ... like the CD's. Instead we have taught them (with a LOT of patience, and sometimes not so much patience) that they aren't to touch and play with the CD's. In the big scheme of things, it's not a huge deal if they do, but it's a way we can teach them obedience, respect, consequences and self discipline.

Also just basic rules to keep the kids safe ... "No running out onto the road, you must hold mummy or daddy's hand when crossing" or "Sitting on your bottom while you have food in your mouth" ya know, that kind of thing.

We've actually just started trialling letting Zac pick his own consequences for his actions ... seeing how this works out. He hit Evy the other day, so I said to him "Zac, we don't hit in our family ... what do you think should happen now because you broke the rule?" Eventually he came to the decision he would sit in the hallway in time out, he wasn't to happy about it, but realised there had to be a consequence for hitting his sister.

Some of the consequences we've used are time out, confiscating toys, banning a certain TV programme (the wiggles or bananas in pyjamas), depending on the rule that was broken. We hold them accountable to the rules, and they certainly hold us accountable to the same rules. We don't want to be "do as I say, not as i do" parents, and I've been challenged a few times when Zac has pulled me up. Sometimes Brenton and I will throw the remote to each other across the room and Zac will pipe up "Hey ... no throwing inside". Often our response will be something like "You're right Zachy, Sorry"

I'm a believer in consistency too. The same rules apply to all of us. There are the same consequences to the same rules broken. I can't not enforce the boundaries on days where i'm tired and can't be bothered because this just creates confusion. Consistency

In society there are rules I need to abide by, if I don't there are consequences ... if I get caught going over the speed limit, I have to pay a fine, If I abused my children, I would have them removed from my care, If I stole from a neighbour I may face jail time. I want to teach my children that life is about making choices ... many of these choices are around abiding by, or breaking rules and when we break rules there are consequences. I'd much rather they learn this tough life lesson from me in  an environment where they are loved and cared for, then the hard way later down the track.

On the flip side, there are some rules in society that suck, and times where I think authority needs to be challenged. With this in mind, as the kids get older, I'll endeavour to teach them balance, how to distinguish between the rules that are right, and those that fly in the face of basic human rights.

Basically, I value boundaries and think our children have thrived so far with the rules and boundaries we have put in place, I love my kids and want them to learn how to function well in society as caring, kind, stable adults, we think rules and boundaries will help them grow into these kinds of people... so far so good!

I think it's important to note that sometimes the consequences seem unfair, and we need to acknowledge that. Zac may cry because of the consequence and I need to recognise and acknowledge how he feels about the scenario. Rules are important, so are the consequences BUT so are his feelings and emotions! Often I will say something like "Zachy, I know you don't want to sit in time out, and i know it's stink ... but the reason you are here is because ..."

Anyway, some more itsy bitsy thoughts.

What rules and boundaries do you have in your family?
Do you think we should have boundaries for our kids ... should we enforce them with consequences or just let children learn for themselves?
How important do you think consistency is?
Let me know what you think in the comments section below!

Actually ... "It takes a village..."

Zachys new thing at the moment is the word "actually". The other day he did something deserving of 'time out' and so I sent him into the hallway and as he got to the door he turned around, looked at me, and said ever so calmly "Actually, I don't want to go". No tanty ... just a calm objection to the consequence of his own behaviour (trust me, it's not always like this)! I had to bite my lip so i wouldn't lose it laughing. Since when has he known the word "actually"? He sounds so grown up when he uses it, it just doesn't seem right coming out of such a little person so matter-of-factly! Someone called him monkey the other day, and he quickly responded "Actually, my name is Zachary Millar!"

Actually, you are Zachary William flipping cute, gorgeous, bright, intelligent, loving, kind wee boy Millar! (Who says Mums are biased?)

Actually, one of the key thoughts that have impacted our parenting is the proverb "It takes a village to raise a child". I'd never really thought much about it until after we had Zac. I mentioned in my last blog about how I was studying when he was born, I had 8 weeks off, and then went back too it. The thought of putting Zac into Day care broke my heart. I couldn't bring myself to do it, he was so little and so vulnerable, and he'd been given to us to care for, so for me personally I just couldn't do it ... so Zachy joined our class as I trained to be an officer in The Salvation Army. (I will be forever grateful to the family orientated leaders and staff who supported us and enabled this to happen).

I think its fair to say not everyone in the class was on board with the idea to start with, however as the year went on Zac just became a part of the class and everyone began to take a role in caring for him. In our first days in class if i struggled to settle him, staff members would be more than happy to take him for a wee walk and cuddle while I sat in class. My Class mates would take their turns helping me out by feeding him (with the bottle, just to clear that up), cuddling him or changing the odd pooey nappy! Their help, their support, their investment into Zacs life kept me sane, so i could be the best mummy to him! I could not have studied and cared for him in that environment all by myself, Everyone became involved in Zacs growth and development.

It was around this time that I really began to understand the saying "It takes a village to raise a child". Zachy was cared for by us as his parents, but he had a village raising him, caring for him, influencing him ... our family extended to those doing the journey with us at BCM and those in our church family.

Of course this includes our own extended families, but because we live so far from them all :( the input of this wider family counted all the more!

 We set the boundaries, and we set the rules, and those around us helped us to enforce them. They helped to take the pressure off us, they supported and encouraged us ... I am so grateful for community. Once I had finished at BCM and we were appointed to our first corps in Upper Hutt (we are still there), I was up the front most weeks. Whenever I was up the front I entrusted the care of my child to someone else. (I picked who they were, and if they failed to enforce our boundaries and the rules we put in place, we didn't ask them to look after Zac again).

For example during church, once Zac started crawling the rule was that he could play on the floor, but he had to stay in a specific area. We got a mat and during church the mat was his boundary ... he wasn't allowed off it. I spent the first month of crawling Sundays down the back of church teaching him this new rule. He would crawl off, I would pick him up, put him back on the mat and tell him, "no moving off the mat during church" or "Stay on the mat". After a month, once i kicked back into 'up the front action' I simply told those looking after him on a Sunday morning he wasn't allowed off the mat and they enforced it. He tried to push the boundaries, but by having the same rules enforced by people who loved and cared for him, it solidified what I had already taught him. I think when we have others around who back us up and support what we have put in place it really helps to consolidate the importance of what we are teaching them.

So as a parent, I appreciate the influence others have on Zachy and Evy. I not only appreciate it, I welcome it ... there are just some things I can't offer and teach my kids, but others can. Brenton and I look to the support and encouragement of others to help us raise our children. We can't do it on our own!

I also realise the impact and influence I have in the lives of all the children around me, whether they be mine or not. Every child deserves love, care, affection, but not every child receives that. For me, every child who I have a relationship with, is in my village. My example to them of Jesus, the way I treat them and the love I show them will influence them in years to come. I've heard it said that every child needs 6-8 adults (other than their own parents) to take interest in them for them to grow into well-rounded stable adults. I look back on my own childhood and think of the many adults that influenced me positively. People i will be forever grateful for.

I also recognise the support I can give to other parents, last Sunday in church our kids shared about their experience at Supernova Kids camp. One single mum stood up and challenged the corps family by pleading with them ...  "Please take an interest in our kids, they need you, they need your support ... some of these are my kids, and I'm a single mum, I can't do this on my own, please take an interest".

In saying all of this ... actually ... all I'm saying is "It takes a village to raise a child".

Who are the children in your village needing your influence?
Who are the adults in your village who can influence your children?

Itsy Bitsy thoughts from SamMe